Should I hire a 69-year-old health aide?

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Should I hire a 69-year-old health aide?

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Mom is 93 with Alzheimer’s. We interviewed an aide and think she can take care of mom. She’s been an aide for 15 years (from Philippines). She is a widow and would live in.

I am however concerned about the caregivers age and health (I don’t know if she’s healthy or not). She is obese. If it weren’t for these two things I’d be okay with her. What is your opinion? Any experience with aides this age?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Home Care

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Please understand that if she lives in your house, that is her legal residence and if you wanted a different person and she needed to move out but refused you'd need to go through a legal eviction. I would not go this route if I were you, just on this point alone. Do you live in the house also? Or would your mom be alone in the house with her? If the latter is the case I would also not go for this scenario as it creates an opportunity for abuse (physical and financial). And the aide is also a senior and obese? Three strikes to this plan.

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Please understand that in a lot of states, a live in caregiver is an EMPLOYEE and does NOT have tenant rights therefore there does NOT have to be a formal eviction.

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I would tell her that her age and strength are a concern for SURE. I don't know the level of lifting, or if your Mom is lightweight, or any number of issues. I would think that this is worth at least a try. If she cannot handle the work you and she will know soon enough. You aren't under contract, and if she can't handle the work you can hire someone else. I might consider speaking with her on this issue, ask if you can check some references if it is of great concern. I do not know WHY this is, but my experience of women from China, Japan, Philippines, other Eastern Counties, who I worked with during my nursing career, remained exceptionally strong of body even when small and wirey of stature. That was just a personal perception, no studies done. Guess I am saying we can't know and it is worth discussing with her.
I do think Geaton makes good points below no matter WHO you are hiring; I was not aware that a hired worker can be considered a legal resident of your home, and find it worry.
I would also say if you are hiring people of any kind in your home, your liability insurance umbrella needs to be a good one, and this is worth discussion with your insurance agent. Liability insurance is often very cheap for what you get, and can be raised several 100,000 for a pittance. My Dad was always a believer in get great insurance and hope someone ELSE has to use the money you put in, not you.
Another problem to consider is that care workers who are expected to be "on call" 24/7 are now suing in court for wages, saying they are not paid minimum wage hourly and expected to be on call 24/7. This is a legal no no and they are winning in court cases, so care should be taken in this wise.
Seems so many problems all the time to negotiate in this world, but looking on their side you can understand.

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Thank you AlvaDeer.

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Sorry, but in this instance a 69 yr old and obese will have an effect on how she does her job. Do not tell her that her age and weight is why u would not hire her. You can say she is not a good fit.

There are horror stories on this forum about live ins. One took over. One wouldn't leave the house after the client died. Another moved her family in putting the client in the cellar apartment that the aide was living in and taking over the rest of the house. Another, once the client died, told the son she could live in the house but he would still need to keep it up.

If u go this route, get a lawyer involved. Have a contract drawn up naming all the reasons you can let her go. Distinguish if she is self employed or ur employee. ( depends on ur State laws concerning live in help) This will determine what tax deductions u will need to make.
If you go this direction, make sure all valuables are out of the house.

If it were me, I would put Mom in an AL. She will be safe, fed and cared for. You won't have to worry about needing aides. You do realize that ur going to need more than one aide. This woman can't expect to work 24/7 with no time for herself.

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Thank you for your responses. We are working with an agency and it is all entirely legal. There will be two aides living in 3 days and 4 days consecutively. I do live very close and can check in frequently. I guess I'm just torn because I did like the aide but logically it doesn't sit well.

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Looks like u have ur ducks in a row.

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I'd speak to her previous employer (assuming the previous employer is not dead, obviously), I think. Find out how comparable the two different roles were, and ask direct questions about how reliable and capable this lady proved herself to be.

It slightly depends on what you want her to do, but I wouldn't be worried about the age, and I wouldn't be worried about her size unless it prevents her from being normally mobile (which you can observe as she moves around the place). But as for a caregiver needing to be at peak fitness - anything beyond standard adult female strength you'd need lifting and mobility aides anyway, and it wouldn't matter if this lady were thirty and sylph-like.

The thing is, you could be passing up an absolute gem and genius of a caregiver, with fifteen years' satisfaction behind her, for the sake of mere assumptions.

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Good points

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I'd get at least 3 references checked and THEN make a decision about hiring this aide. Let the references speak for her, not her age or her weight, but how past family members felt about the level of care she provided for their loved ones. That is the only thing that really matters, after all, isn't it?
Best of luck!

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As they say, the "proof of the pudding is in the eating". Hopedly, the agency wouldn't recommend or send someone who didn't have a good track record, or who they thought wouldn't be capable of performing well.

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My sister has a wonderful aide of about this age but she is her afternoon carer only (by the aide's choice). Does light cleaning, driving, maybe small errands. The morning heavy work of showering & dressing & bed changing is done by different aides.

But what's been very valuable is the social aspect. I don't mind if she sits & has a cuppa & they enjoy some tv. She has become quite a friend.

I'd agree to getting references. You want kindness & absolutely no rough manner or handling. With any new aides, always be viligent of any whiff of abuse: bruising, withdrawal or pain (eg aide taking half the pain meds leaving client in pain). Good luck.

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My mom is in assisted living and nearly everyone of the aides there is large and a few are very large. But those girls hustle and get it done. I wouldn't consider size so much but the age factor does. One or the other alone but together it might be hard for this worker to do heavier lifting and care. Especially if she is there 24/7.

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Like the previous comments says, check her references. After all your mom needs TLC. Just screened her make sure she is suited for your mom. Is she physically strong to bathe her and lift her when is necessary. I am 69 taking care my husband who has dementia. But, I think the company, who sends you is responble. Whether she can handle the job. Good luck.

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if you keep and pay her, you become her employer and you are responsible filing her taxes, and if this caregiver falls or allegedly falls in your home your estate can get sued.

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I remember when I first hired an aid to help my 82 year old bedridden mom. I too, was a little concerned with both her age, (also late 60's) and her weight. Boy, was I ever wrong in making any assumptions. This woman has more energy and strength than I do and I'm at least 10 years younger. She has been a complete blessing to our family and honestly I dont know what I would do without her. I'm so glad I didnt let her age or weight hinder my decision in hiring her.

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I understand your concerns, but look at the other side from a caregiver who is 70 years young. I have been a caregiver for 50 years. I love what I do, & I'm darned amazing at it - never had a complaint. I'm skinny as a rail, red-headed, fading fast,! but I've got a huge overflowing heart full of love, understanding, compassion, patience. Clients pick up on this, and if they're comfortable with the CG, they will work with her, to get whatever done. The point here is; Please don't judge a book by the cover, .. it's what's inside that counts. Good Luck,!!

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My mom is 93 with Alzheimer's, we have two aides one that comes on the weekend is 70 yrs of age. She is great. My mom look forward to the weekend aide because they have more in common than the weekly aide who is in her early 50s. The weekend aide seems to get her talking more and spends more quality time with her, have more patience and don't sit around just checking her phone and Facebook.

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No!

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I wouldn't worry about the age or size. I was amazed at how some of Moms larger caregivers could handle her. She was like moving a twig to them. Just make sure you and she like them, they communicate well with you both, and they have good references.

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Boy now i see how much discrimination there is in the world over age and people's looks. My how we judge others.

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No, that is not what she is meaning, I think Lileesa has very valid concerns. Do you want to hire someone who can physically handle a demanding job or pay someone that will not be in the best interest of your mother? Come on now.

(5)

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Obviously you and mom like her which is most important. Check her references. If she kind and loving and can do the job you are asking consider yourself lucky! Be very clear about all the responsibilities and if she feels she can do them great. Hope it works out very well for you. We also use caregivers and it isn’t always easy to find a good match. We have been very blessed.

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I'm 67 and was obese when I was a 24/7 Caregiver for my DH.
I managed. If you like the person, see how she works out for you. Discuss what you will be expecting her to do and watch her facial expressions.

Sadly, go into any hospital or clinic and most of the aides are morbidly obese these days. I am not judging by size - I actually feel badly for them because no one chooses to be obese, it just seems to be the normal these days.

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Go with your gut but my mom's caregiver for the past 2 years(and she will be quitting soon) turns 80 this November! She's a 2.5 year breast cancer survivor. She still likes to dance and go to parties! She takes 3 long walks a day. She's amazing.

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I don't think you are out of line to question whether someone is physically up for the challenge of taking care of your mother. I am sure you will agree though, that there are slender folks who are lazy I am more concerned about the fact that she will be moving in... that's risky for a number of reasons.

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You said lazy, no one else did. It sounds like Lileesa is more concerned with overall health and age, as she said.

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Does she have references if so check them out.
You could give her a trial few days and be honest with her. Tell her you are having other people try it for a few days and you need to be there to see how she’s does.
Does this require lifting ?
Don’t just hire someone because your are desperate.
Is someone in the home to check on the caregiver as the patient would not be able to tell you what is going on.
Also someone should check on the patient to be sure they are physically being taken care of.

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I've used in home care for 7 years. My wife has a weight problem which I can handle. You need to make sure your HHA or CNA can physically handle your mother. Can she lift? Can she roll your mother over? If the HHA or CNA comes thru and agency they will have done some screening and they will also outline the services that your helper is capable of or expected to do. If their first language is not English make sure they are very understandable when they speak. Also make sure of English comprehension.

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While it would be wise to ensure communication both ways will not be a hindrance, I had to speak with people from the Philippines who were part of the call center for phone service at my previous house - their English skills were better than some life-long Americans, both understanding and speaking! I complimented them for that. It is a huge difference sometimes to getting someone from other countries.

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Ask when her last check-up with the doctor was. She should be getting annual physicals, annual flu shots, and probably frequent (probably less than annually) TB tine test to check for tuberculosis. Will she be required to lift your mom? Have her demonstrate moving her from bed to chair and back. Have her demonstrate care that you expect - or give her a week probationary period with somebody there to evaluate her proficiency.

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Don’t ask when her last check up was. People please educate yourselves on the law. Employers must tread carefully when it comes to asking about health.

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Obese people need work too.

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So do older people. age discrimination is illegal yet everyone here is suggesting it!

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Ask for references so you can talk to several past employers about her abilities.

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My concern is more with the obesity than the age. I, myself am considered obese, BUT!! I can walk very fast still and I can do all my work very fast, accurate and I have a lot of energy to do my work. I am 55 and I can outwork the 19 yo’s at work and they are all skinny, my nickname at work is “5 guys” because I do the job of 5 men and I am also nicknamed “hurricane” because I roll in with the swiftness and get everything done and walk very very fast to do my work. So my weight does not inhibit my work at all, but I have seen some people at work where their weight does inhibit their work, so take this into consideration and that is why I say, sometimes being fat doesn’t matter, but it depends on what you see, I have seen obesity cause laziness and lack of hygiene, caregiving is hard enough, much less if your mother has alzheimers to take more energy away from a caregiver, you want to be in good health to be able to handle this. If she’s so obese that she can barely move and tires quickly then I would say no. Now age, my mother worked till 81 yrs old and could handle it very well. But I know of 2 men, one is 67 and the other one is 71, both are in good health, but they are kind of gone upstairs, the stuff I see going on makes me say, everyone needs to retire at 65, but then I think of my mother who was more “with it” than 20 yr olds working at 81, so it really depends on the individual. I would assess closely, don’t rule her out, but assess this good. Also, if she is expected to only do shopping and laundry, light work then she can be both obese and old and handle it fine.

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Short answer: Not advisable. From experience, these applicants are thinking this is going to be more of a sitter’s job or that the patient is more fit than they really are. If they get hurt, do they have workers compensation insurance...like hurting their backs while trying to get a patient up, etc. Really think this through from a liability standpoint.

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If they get hurt, it’s the EMPLOYER who is required to have workers compensation insurance.

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Short answer: no. I faced the same challenge. Mom is 93, mid dementia, and wheelchair bound. Luckily, she only weighs about 100 pounds, but I can honestly say I now understand the true meaning of the term "dead weight." If your mom has any physical limitations, the aide must be in decent shape to lift/turn her now or in the future. Also if the dementia is now or gets to the point where the aide is having to physically restrain her, that could be an issue. The oldest aide my mom ever had was 64, but she seemed physically fit and managed OK. I find aides in their 40s to be about right...young enough physically but mature enough to handle the responsibility. The obesity isn't really an issue if the aide is strong and fit. Most of my mom's helpers are at least somewhat overweight, but that gives my mom more to hang on to in a lift. (Not joking here.) Keep in mind that if you want to keep your proposed aide long-term that both she and your mom will be aging, with more physical issues manifesting for both of them. Hope this helps!

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No ...keep looking & interview others.

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Law or no law, I have found in general but prevalently, that obesity very often equals being chronically tired out. Use your judgment.

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I’ve found the opposite as a 30 something. Many of my peers including myself are fit and suffer from exhaustion.

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Should I hire a 69-year-old health aide?

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