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This is a follow up to a previous post back in 2023. I am getting worse when I see my husband of 55 years in SNF. He was diagnosed with mix dementia but has always been a mentally abusive alcoholic.
I am on an antidepressant but I am still having issues seeing him. I know morally it is wrong, but I just want to leave the situation and move out of the state. My grown children do mostly everything for their father and I just visit.
I am 80 years old, in good health and would like to enjoy what time I have on this earth.
Stay or leave?

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I have the opportunity to live in Hawaii rent free with my husbands family. I love them all to pieces!
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Reply to WifeHasHadIt
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MargaretMcKen Oct 5, 2024
Go for it!
(2)
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See 1 more reply
Leave.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Send us a post card.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Here's your first post for reference:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/dont-want-to-see-my-husband-484411.htm

Why do you go see him? Stop going. This is called a healthy boundary. If your children don't like this boundary, too bad for them -- they'll get over it.

If you are his PoA, resign. If he doesn't have a PoA then social services can get him a court-appointed legal guardian. This guardian will do everything for him: oversee his medical care, pay his bills, manage his affairs. Even your kids can stop orbiting around him, if they want.

I wish you clarity, strength, courage, wisdom and peace in your heart as you move onward and upward.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Morally it's wrong? Is it morally right for you to be treating yourself so poorly?

Walk away! Leave! Do not stay!

Enjoy your life!

Today here the weather is so beautiful, it should be considered a sin to not have a smile on are face , with the beautiful day nature is giving us today.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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I don’t understand why you’d have to move or leave your home. Just don’t visit the facility. Or are you living in it too?
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Reply to ZippyZee
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I would not say it is morally wrong to leave abusive alcoholic.
If not now then when? Go enjoy yourself
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Reply to Evamar
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Leave. You don't owe your abuser anything. Ever. Good luck in creating a new life!
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Reply to Fawnby
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If you walk away now, try your very best to figure out how you will feel when he dies. Is there anything left for you to say or do? It sounds as though he is being taken care of by a facility and your kids.

I think you should leave especially if you have given 55 years of your life to this man, an abusive alcoholic (I have lots of experience with a situation like this and I'm 82).

It's time to take care of you, to live and enjoy your life. Please leave.
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Reply to Moondancer
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In reality, you should have divorced a husband who was a mentally abusive alcoholic. Had you done that, you wouldn't be here today asking whether you should leave or stay, you'd have your answer. He's the one who's been morally wrong, not you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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