My sister-in-law began having serious memory issues a couple of years ago. It became clear after several falls and medicine mismanagement that she needed 24 hr care. Her loving children made the decisions without allowing the woman a chance to decide all the details. Especially, what will happen to her home, car, and precious items she has collected all of her life. Does she have the legal right to be represented to have a family meeting at which she could ask questions? She has not been declared incompetent and still is very aware of her living situation. She was placed in an assisted living facility which is wonderful so she has no complaints about that. It was just that she left the hospital and went to a rehab center and now to assisted living .....all without her input. I am sure she agreed with the children but when she is with her siblings there is always a voicing of needing to know the details about her future. I hope there is someone who could intervene. I certainly cannot since I do not want to cause a ripple in the family. Finally, her son and daughter-in-law have done everything they could to keep her in her home and they love her very much. Never would they want to bring her any harm. It is just that she has so many questions and cannot move forward with this change in her life without some closure.
Thank you in advance for letting me have the opportunity to voice my concern. She is more like a sister to me and I wish to have what is best for her, too.
It may be that the disposition of her property has been explained to her -- perhaps many times. If she just can't remember that makes her anxious. I can understand that you don't want to make waves and rock the family boat. But I'll bet you can handle a conversation with her son and his wife, to find out how they would like you to respond when these questions come up. I think it would be better if the entire family gave her the same answers.
If you can't seek guidance from her children, then perhaps a response like, "I'm sure that Bob and Gretchen are handling all those details very effectively. They don't want you to worry about any of it. They are very loving children." would work.
It is very good that she is satisfied with her living arrangement. From what you say it is very probable that her input was sought.
With any type of serious memory issues, asking a person what he/she wishes regarding their living situation would be like asking an 5 years old child.... at that age the child is clear minded but is unable to reason out adult situations.
Yes, there will be times when your sister-in-law will be in the moment thinking clearly, but the problem is catching the loops when that will happen. It's like an old fashioned tape recorder, there will eventually be parts of the tape that are missing.