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My mom has showered every day of her life that I can remember. She vaguely knows who I am now and has lost so much of her words that make sense. Lately she will not cooperate when we want to put her in the shower. She has a shower bench, etc. but no luck now.

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Huggie wipes are great when patient is afraid of water...and many are. they also sell adult wipes. Make sure there is no alcohol in the wipes.
Coconut oil is a great moisturizer. A little goes a looong way!
Good luck. Malachy
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Donna1944: Yes, I made a "white board" and put it by my late mother's telephone so that she would just have to punch in 2 #'s when calling her loved ones. For you, after the second question (or maybe even the first), I wouldn't respond. She's not going to "get" it anyway. You may as well be giving any random answer, e.g. "bird," "towel," " ice cream"! Yes, it looks like she must reside in an NH. Medicaid app is lengthy; I totally get that. And remember-be prepared for the 5 year lookback. Best of luck, Donna! I know it's hell.
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I'm living in HELL. Brought mom home from hospital after a UTI infection which makes her crazy. Her mind isn't getting better. She can sit for HOURS asking the same 20 questions. I made a poster with the answers and she forgets to look at it. We have been doing exercises and things to strengthen her body and she's better after a week, but can't go back to independent living when she doesn't remember the last 30 years. She is 90, I am almost 72. Tried for Medicaid but didn't get everything they wanted in time. Think I do now. Got to escape. I need medical care now, more than ever. Better get to work on the papers for Medicaid.
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Imb1234: You're welcome! Phew...the oddities of caregiving! LOL!
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Llamalover - thanks for ringing in on the article question. I think I kind of already knew it would be a waste of time but good to have my impression confirmed.
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help2day: My late mother has deceased so no worries about poop going down the drain. Best of luck!
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My mom didn't recognize me, had awful balance, doors had to be locked with alarms, she laughed in a loopy way. But we began reading about Alzheimers research and with the assistance and support of our local MD's and Naturopaths we applied non standard DRUG FREE protocols and immediately saw improvements. Today she knows everyone again and is dressing herself and can chop onions and has cognitive skills once again. Some of the stuff I have read and we have been trying out little by little according to the studies and my moms labs are; High quality probiotics, Vitamin D3, Folate, zinc, magnesium, NON RANCID Omega 3 fish oil up to 4-6 grams per day, Carnetine, Coconut oil, phosphotidalserine and choline, Alpha Lipoic Acid, B-complex, maybe enzymes, electrolytes, Low Carb diet, Get the blood sugar under 140 and walk outdoors vigorously for 15 min right after EACH meal to burn that fuel from food before it gets a chance to raise blood sugar creating arterial plaque. Get morning sunshine to set the sleep clock, add take melatonin at night before bed in the hopes to get solid 5-8 hours of NON medicated sleep. Get support from the MD. Make sure there is no UTI and try to first treat with mannose and sugar free cranberry juice sweetened with Stevia. Try to NOT use antibiotics as they strip all the bacteria out of the digestive tract which makes sabotaghes your whole opportunity to get nutrients where they need to go. I have done it for my mom and it makes them immediately stable. Also, if they are constipated, and using miralax and mineral oil and other laxatives, that also causes difficulty for neurotransmitters to function as they can not extract the nutrients they need to function from the digestion being faulty. Don't take my word for it... do some research or current Alzheimers studies. Buck Institute, William Walsh Research Institute, David Pearlmutter, Steve Fowkes..... and others... NOTE; you might have to sedate the person with Alzheimers and do a thorough dental cleaning because that dental bacteria as well as rotted out metal fillings causes brain inflammation more than any other thing i listed here.
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My mom also stopped showering. One of the caregivers told us that if the person doesn't know how to swim the water on their face scares them and they think they are drowning. My Mom never did learn how to swim so we took that advice to heart. We did very short showers and tried not to have the water get in her face.
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Llamalover47 ~ Yikes! Perhaps as an additional suggestion, I would recommend putting a small basin under the "holey" shower chair to catch the BM should it occur during the shower. I guess I didn't think of that! LOL
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Imb1234: I just now saw your post about a person (your dear mother) with Alzheimer's understanding the article about the disease. My response is a big NO, they would not know how to read it, let alone interpret it unfortunately.
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Cheyenne93: Yes, I have to say you are indeed fortunate to have such a compliant and sweet patient, your dear husband! I agree on not totally washing the entire body, else it gets dried out. However, we all know the important parts that should be washed and by that point, you may as well get him in the shower. Then afterwards, you can apply lotion to his body. They even have unscented ones.God bless you, too! My mother actually deceased from a stroke, but I still stay on this site so that I may be able to help others because I've seen it all, believe me! I don't think my late mother ever washed her hind end as she was quite unsteady. At the end in the nursing home, I washed my mother's entire bare body while she was in the bed...and I mean all of it. She loved it. Now when she was in her right mind, she was a VERY modest woman and never would have let me see her unclothed. Bless her soul!
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help2day: When I read your post about the shower chair with a hole in it like a commode, all I could think of is when my mother used her shower chair as a toilet/commode and no, hers did not have a hole in it! She just had a BM on it and DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT... that is until I informed her. I guess in her case, it's a good thing that her chair DID NOT have a hole, else the drain be clogged up!
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Imb1234: I agree with you that Tric6748 would get more helpful responses by starting a separate thread. Imb, I am glad I could give you a giggle or two. Tric6748, yes, we are all "a support team," if you will. When people put up posts, they are extremely helpful.
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Hubby is 93. I'm 74. I shower him every 4 days. He puts up no argument. It's also been suggested to me that every day is detrimental as it dries the skin out to much. And the shower chair, I can understand how that part of the body doesn't get washed especially if the person can't stand up. Water doesn't frighten him either. He will actually stick his head under the shower without my asking. So, maybe I'm lucky. He's in the part of dementia where he finds it hard to remember words. God bless you folks who are having such a hard time!
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There are shower chairs that have holes in them like a commode. They use these type chairs in nursing homes, however, the nursing homes use very large, wheeled ones that they just wheel the resident right into the shower. For the home, go to your local home care or surgical supply store. I feel your pain as it took me almost 3 hours from start to finish to shower my Mom. She passed away 3 1/2 months ago but it brings back good memories to know I made her feel so much better after her "pampering".
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Well, if nothing else (like getting my mother to actually bathe), I'm getting some chuckles out of SuePeace and Llamalover47's posts. Many hands (or in this case, many soulmates) lighten the load, so to speak.
Tric6748 - very sorry you have to deal with the situation you are describing, and everyone on this forum is so supportive so you've come to the right place. But you would probably get more "on target" advice by asking a new question that relates to just these issues. Hugs for comfort - at 81 you deserve some rest!
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I'm sorry to say that elders do have an odor about them, not all, but some. And why? They lack the strength to bathe well, even if they have bathed at all! Say they have a shower chair that they sit on in the shower stall...guess what DOESN'T get washed...you guessed it, the rear end. That's the one part that needs the most cleanup! So I can relate to your post, SuePeace! I'm sorry, but I really couldn't get that close to my mother...phew...just about knocked me over! I hope as I age that someone tells me "hey lady, you stink!" LOL! ROFL!
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My 88 year old mother, with dementia, does not NEED to take a shower. Why? Because she said SHE JUST TOOK ONE. LOL I live with my mother and this topic used to be our main argument? Guess what? I decided it's not worth it. It's not worth the arguments and all the other stuff that goes with it. She is "dirty" right now and I'm just hoping one day soon she will get in the d@mn shower. I have given up on that topic. I'm done.
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Imb1234: Yes, that is the article. SmileAtLife (and yes, what an upbeat screen name), look at the article that Imb1234 uploaded. I agree; water hitting their bodies does seem to frighten them.
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Just throwing this out there for comments. Has anyone tried, or would anyone even recommend, having a parent with dementia or Alzheimer's who's still able to communicate fairly well (there are apparently many of us with loved ones in this state) read the article from the Alzheimer's Assoc.? I ask because I have little doubt my mother would be able to read and understand it, I just don't know if it would do more harm than good. Anyway, just curious as the thought crossed my mind after reading it.
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How do you convince a son that won't speak to me because I put his dad in
a facility?? I took care of him for 6 years and doctors said I should place him.
They were worried about my health. I am going to be 81 this month.
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Llamalover - is this the article you referred to from the Alzheimer's association:

http://www.alz.org/cacentral/documents/Dementia_Care_32-_The_Battle_of_the_Bathing.pdf
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SmileAtLife (btw - really love your positivity in name! :-)) - you have the empathy and understanding of many others in this forum with Alzheimer's/Dementia afflicted loved ones. You will find numerous postings on this subject and a wealth of suggestions for how best to deal (or, sadly in some instances, not) with this situation, as well as much needed support as you navigate other challenging issues. Sending blessings and hugs to you........
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My husband will wash himself with liquid soap on a wash cloth, I then give him a wipe to do his bottom. It seems to work for now on his good days On his off days he seems to think he's already washed, but I can still get him to get it done.He's negative about it but it gets done. I have to watch him like a hawk or he will get dressed without washing and the struggle begins. It's always something.
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There seems to be something about the water that frightens them. It takes a lot of patience and conversations to truly get to the bottom of the situation. I had a case where the gentleman refused to take showers/ baths - overnight he became frightened. In talking with his family, he had a brother that drowned when he was a small boy. This memory was in the resident's mind as if it had happened recently. Family and staff were able to have conversations with resident about how that happened many years ago and all of the new things that were in place to keep resident from drowning.
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Mom is 95, has MCI with short-term memory loss and has had CNAs on a daily baisis for almost 3 years, starting with 4 hours in the morning (shower, dress, breakfast, lunch) to now 24/7. We now when she refuses a shower that she's got a problem, whether UTI (confusion) or simply not liking the CNA on duty that day. Showering is a very personal activity (getting naked with a caretaker). Some days Mom wakes up "not feeling good" and wants to go back to sleep, but the CNAs gently reminder that she'll feel much better after a shower, and she usually complies. Since her bathroom and shower are upstairs, she knows she's not going to get breakfast until she showers first!
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I am my husbands caregiver and he has Leweys Body Dementia ( there are 7 types of dementia, Alzheimer's being the most known) and I don't think that it's really the disease but more a fear of safety. My husband was reaching a point where he refused bathing and with talking to him I found it wasn't because he thought he'd already bathed, but because he feared falling. Also, he prefers the shower tub combo instead of the master bath shower which is smaller. He didn't feel he had enough room in it and in the shower tub combo he had difficulty lifting his feet into the tub. I've gotten him a shower transfer chair to help him use it.
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I have been caregiver for my husband , who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for over two years. He is currently in rehab therapy in a Nursing Home until next week, when he will come home again after a two-week stay in ICU for his kidneys shutting down and potassium levels dangerous. He sat out in the 95 degree heat on Father's Day and refused to come in to drink. He had been physically abusive to me as well. He landed in the Hospital and in ICU. I am about burned out already, and talked to the Director of Nursing at the Nursing Home he is in. She told me not to wait until I was burned out as it would do no good to have both of us down. I suggest the same for you. When I feel it is too much for me to handle any more, I will put him in a long-term Nursing Facility. I love him dearly, and it will be the worst thing to be apart from him, but I know my limitations. Medicaid will look at it as "no one home to care for him", if I am unable to do it. I am 72 years old, and incapable of helping him if he falls. He is also a fall risk. It is a devastating disease which robs the victim and the caregivers of any quality of life. Good Luck and God Bless You. Bonnie O.
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I got some very nice perfumed shampoo and conditioner. ("Hello" by Harvey Prince...smells awesome!) She loves it and loves being told how nice she smells afterward. The actual shower is still a battle, though. Also, Walgreens has a cap that is waterless and does a good job of washing hair. You heat it in the microwave and put the cap on her head... scrub it around a bit.. then towel dry her hair. For those days when you just aren't up for a fight..
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It is difficult to try to determine Dad's particular stage as every person exhibits different symptoms at different times. We simply take one day at a time.
It has taken a very long time to get Dad to where he will clean as much of himself as he does (with a little assistance). Minimally, every two days I gently remind him that it is time to change his clothes - unless there is an urgent need to do so even sooner. He has adapted to the routine quite well and rarely resists, but it does tire him so much that the rest of the day is spent napping off and on.
Previous attempts at showering were met with great resistance despite the fact that we modified his bathroom with a walk-in shower complete with wall-mounted pull down safety seat, grab bars and hand held shower sprayer.
At this point, something is better than nothing!
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