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I have to care for my wife, but the problem is family -that they are not so caring. I find very difficult to communicate with my step daughter. We just don't have anything in common.
There could be so many dynamics at play here. Many of the possible scenarios other posters have listed....i.e. how old is the step daughter? was she against the marriage? are there inheritance issues? etc. Maybe she just doesn't know what to do or say. Was she close with her mother? You could just reach out to her on a regular basis...maybe every other week or once a month by text and say hey I just wanted to let you know that mom is doing fine this week...we are in the middle of reading a book called..blah blah blah, then snap a pic and send the text. It doesn't have to be anything too deep, just a quick interaction. She may open up a bit once she sees that it's welcomed. That's all I have without more information.
You can’t force a relationship. All you can do is try. Also, look at your approach at how you try. Is it in a non judgmental way? Is it a guilt free way? If not? People have a way of reading in between the lines and automatically become defensive or even close off any communication.
Is she especially close with her biological father? Does he influence her in a negative way towards you? Does she feel like she would be betraying her dad? There are lots of possible reasons why this is occurring.
You are not responsible for her behavior. Just be accountable and honest about your own attitude and approach in communication with her.
How does she feel about her mom? What was her relationship before with her mom? She may be having difficulty accepting her mom’s illness and quite possibly it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
Also, how long you been in her life? It takes time to build a relationship. Don’t expect too much too soon. Just be warm and kind in your approach. Then wait because it’s really up to her if she chooses to accept you. I hope for both of you as well as her mom that in time she will.
You say that you and your stepdaughter don’t have anything in common. Well now you do – your wife and her mother. Try telling her regularly (or emailing her) what you are doing for your wife, and how she is going. Ask her advice, or if she has any other ideas that would make things more interesting for her mother. Give a bit of flattery about how important she is to her mother. It might take a while, but you can build up a relationship that way.
I have two daughters, and married again 20 years ago. One daughter is fine, and understands how important DH2 is to me. The other isn’t OK at all. She resented the marriage, which stopped me from living close to her and providing a lot of free child care. She ridiculed me and DH2, which went down like a brick with DH2, and is almost impossible to smooth over now.
I think the most positive possibility for you is to stress what you do for your step-daughter’s mother. She should appreciate that, even though she is not ‘your friend’.
You're the step-father? If you need to communicate information to your step-daughter, you do not need to have anything in common. Just tell her what she needs to know (if there is anything).
Is your wife still able to talk to her? If so, you can just stay out of it?
Email or texting are easy ways to stay in touch without having to talk.
Just do the best you can. Don't allow yourself to move into anger, and realize that anger is just an easier way to confront frustration and confusion initially, but eventually it harms no one but yourself and your wife. Good luck. Family dynamics aren't easy at all for so many.
Did you raise her? Or did you marry her Mom after she was grown. Big difference. I feel that if you didn't raise them you nor she is a father or daughter. You are her mother's husband. Bonds are established when children are young. I have read they need to be established by 12 or never will be.
You may have to just except that you and stepdaughter will never speak to each other. If you need help with her Mom, you may need to look elsewhere. How is her relationship between her and Mom? Is ur wife capable of asking for help?
Agree with all that, but in addition to that, money issues can rear its ugly head. Money is frequently an issue in intact families, but in step families, the adult children may feel the stepparent will inherit all the money, they can spend it on caregiving. Of course, in many families, the money will run out. In intact families, adult children may be more motivated to work as a team and save money.
There are many people here with family members who do not speak. If she is an adult, you cannot make her speak to you. If your wife has any siblings, you might ask them to talk to her.
I know stepchildren who felt badly treated by stepparents, and when they became adults they just went no contact.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is she especially close with her biological father? Does he influence her in a negative way towards you? Does she feel like she would be betraying her dad? There are lots of possible reasons why this is occurring.
You are not responsible for her behavior. Just be accountable and honest about your own attitude and approach in communication with her.
How does she feel about her mom? What was her relationship before with her mom? She may be having difficulty accepting her mom’s illness and quite possibly it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
Also, how long you been in her life? It takes time to build a relationship. Don’t expect too much too soon. Just be warm and kind in your approach. Then wait because it’s really up to her if she chooses to accept you. I hope for both of you as well as her mom that in time she will.
Best wishes to you and your family.
I have two daughters, and married again 20 years ago. One daughter is fine, and understands how important DH2 is to me. The other isn’t OK at all. She resented the marriage, which stopped me from living close to her and providing a lot of free child care. She ridiculed me and DH2, which went down like a brick with DH2, and is almost impossible to smooth over now.
I think the most positive possibility for you is to stress what you do for your step-daughter’s mother. She should appreciate that, even though she is not ‘your friend’.
Is your wife still able to talk to her? If so, you can just stay out of it?
Email or texting are easy ways to stay in touch without having to talk.
You may have to just except that you and stepdaughter will never speak to each other. If you need help with her Mom, you may need to look elsewhere. How is her relationship between her and Mom? Is ur wife capable of asking for help?
More info would help us answer ur question.
I know stepchildren who felt badly treated by stepparents, and when they became adults they just went no contact.