Looking for strategies to handle meal "demands".
My mother and I are caring for my 97 year old great god-mother. She is on hospice, stays in bed most of the day,doesn't eat much or often, but thankfully is still very present and sharp. She is extremely demanding and controlling. We realize that this is just an attempt to have some control over what is happening to her but has become very difficult to deal with. Daily, she comes up with food demands that send us scrambling to the grocery store or restaurants. Sometimes the her specific restaurant only makes her "prime rib open faced sandwich" on Monday and she wants it on Tuesday. Other times the problem is (in her words) "None of the food places sell it, you're going to have to make it. Let me tell you the recipe". Many times, once we finally are successful in finding and preparing her request, she doesn't want the food any more, or worse, she wants something else.
Can anyone share their strategy for handling demands like this?
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Sadly, he was dying of cancer and couldn't eat but a bite or two. He was starving both physically and mentally. He once told me he would lay in bed and dream of food.... he used to be the one cooking all the great things, it was his pride and joy to prepare a big meal for everyone.
Back then it drove me nuts trying to keep him happy food wise. I wish he was still here so I could continue being driven nuts.
Perhaps that's what going on with your loved one?
1) Sat down with her and developed list of food she likes from restaurants in the area. We keep this list on the fridge along with the addresses and phone numbers for the restaurants. I also called the restaurants about foods that are only served on certain days and times, and included that information on the list.
2) We also made a list of food that she likes that we can't get at restaurants and are figuring out how to make them in advance and freeze them in small portions so we have them on hand.
3) We now tell her what we are planning for dinner as part of her morning routine.
4) If she has any requests or demands that are outside of what we have planned or have on hand, we tell her "well, we don't have [requested food], we'll have to go to the store and plan on having it later this week."
5) We lie. We've figured out that she can't tell the difference between a steak from "Ruth Crisp's" and a steak from Trader Joe's.