<p class="userway-s14-active">When my estranged 75 year old mother showed up, she’d been hospitalized with COVID. She had some wild stories that her neighbor had gotten her power shut off, that people had broken in her house and ransacked it. That her neighbor had come in her backyard and made noises to scare her. Reality was she’d messed up bill paying and her house was hoarded. <p class="userway-s14-active">So we’ve helped her get her life back on track, including her major neck surgery. She had hospital delerium but got better. I suspect that’s what she had after her COVID hospital stay. She hadn’t said anything weird about the neighbor in months until…. <p class="userway-s14-active">Tonight. I’d been at her house two nights ago, and set my purse on top of her washing machine, because the laundry room doesn’t reek as badly of smoke. She called and firmly said she’d found a receipt for my Aug 4 dr visit inside her washer. And that it must have blown out of my car. Neighbor picked it up and entered her back door to the laundry room and left it there to bother her. <p class="userway-s14-active">I told her it must have fallen out of my purse when I set it on top of the washer. She accepted that, but then asked me if I’d left the receipt there as some way to communicate with her that Im mad at her. I told her that was not the case.<p class="userway-s14-active">Her only official diagnosis is depression, anxiety, and insomnia. <p class="userway-s14-active">Recently was put on Seroquel, worked up to 400 mg before she got sleep. Also takes gaba pentin, Robaxin, a tiny dose of lithium, venlofaxine, and Hydrocodone. Her mood has been more pleasant on the Seroquel, but overall she’s still on a heck of a lot of meds.<p class="userway-s14-active">Id love to get her to a geriatric psych, but there are none here. She wouldn’t cooperate anyway. She sees a psych NP.<p class="userway-s14-active">She’s now got pain in a T8 disc and we might have to do epidural steroid shots. Ugh just no. Every procedure seems to destabilize her. She’s having a rough recovery from her dental extractions. <p class="userway-s14-active">I hate having to take care of her. Her house is barely out of hoarded. She’s cluttered it back up. It smells bad. But I go a couple times per week and wash dishes, remove trash, and the roaches are gone. <p class="userway-s14-active">As crazy as all this sounds, she now able to pay her bills with minimal help from me. I made online accts and check that her utilities esp are paid. I have immediate POA for medical and financial, and banks have accepted the financial one. She can still cook, bathe, and toilet herself. She gives herself daily osteoporosis shots. Her main problems are chronic pain, poor balance, psych issues, addiction behaviors, and now her bp is low. She’s not ready for a nursing home. I wish I could understand if/how we get Medicaid to pay for AL. I don’t think it’s possible in Texas? Also she’d never stop smoking. I also know she’d not get along with staff or others at AL. She’d decide they were out to get her. She has a huge persecution complex.
Never take on the physical care of your Mother.
You say “I hate having to take care of her”. It’s not a great success, and you are right, as well as being a hoarder with mental health problems, she’s “on a heck of a lot of meds” - Seroquel, gaba pentin, Robaxin, a tiny dose of lithium, venlofaxine, Hydrocodone, potentially epidural steroid shots, and she smokes. There is a real chance of something serious going wrong. You are trying to do the right thing, but there are a lot of possible problems that you might get blamed for.
Have you considered letting the State take responsibility for her? There are advantages and disadvantages in State control. Would it be worse for her? Would it be worse for you?
Your mother will flip flop between doing what is good for her mental health and what isn't and you will be stuck trying to save her over and over. Her house getting hoared again is just one example.
Eventually you will have to walk away for your own sanity.
Back surgeries have a high rate of failure so I wouldn't encourage anymore surgeries.
It's a heartbreaking neverending story of suffering. Now you have to decide when you are going to write your character out of the story.
As I said, this isn't really doable and there is little I can imagine to do for someone living where there is no psyc facilities. Sounds all like a disaster waiting to happen. I am so very sorry.
I don’t know how you are dealing with all of this and remaining sane. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
I don’t think assisted living is the answer for her. What about Medicaid?
She would benefit from being in a facility where she would receive around the clock care. You would be free from the hands on caregiving.
If she is placed in a facility then you can visit her when it’s convenient for you and be an advocate in regards to the care she receives.
Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area for a needs assessment? They could offer advice on care options.
Wishing you peace as you continue on in your caregiving journey.
Have you spoken to a Social Worker who has met with your mother about the best path to take?
Quoting Beatty- "As long as YOU are the plan, there will be no plan."
“it must have blown out of my car. Neighbor picked it up and entered her back door to the laundry room and left it there to bother her.”
Your mom’s mind isn’t thinking logically. No normal mind in the world would come up with this story, as the explanation of how the receipt ended up there.
So,
1.Your mom’s mind isn’t thinking straight. Be careful.
2. Given that, what’s the best plan? Her illogical mind will create more and more problems. If she has money, I think she needs a caregiver.
Do whatever you can, so you get things off your back. The load off your back.