We just moved our LO from Assisted Living to Memory Care. Our LO has moderate to moderately severe Alzheimer's. She has lost her short-term memory, needs assist bathing and dressing, needs reminders to eat and drink, cannot organize a task. However, she is mobile and still has some reasoning abilities and, while she doesn't know where she is, recognizes any change in her environment, such as things missing from or added to her room. She appears in some ways to be high-functioning, yet we have had a night-time caregiver with her because she doesn't understand to go back to bed after she wakes up to go to the bathroom.
Her first week was rocky, as anticipated. She appears higher functioning than the others in the MC community, although she's living on the side with the supposedly higher level residents. The facility is recommending that she go to some activities with AL, which is a fair suggestion. But the last time we tried to move her to MC and she had difficulty (anger, agitation), she was immediately moved to AL by her POA. She needs the supports of MC overall. How do we, as a family, support our LO and also manage our own anxiety about this transition?
I remember the time I was called in for a meeting with the main Staff personal as they wanted to give me an update on my Dad. Dad was in Independent Living and I was surprised when the Staff all suggested it was time for memory care.
To me Dad didn't seem ready but then again I was only seeing him a couple times a week for less than an hour. Apparently Dad was able to keep it all together mind wise while I was there. Even Dad's private caregiver, who was there mornings, agreed with the Staff.... it was time.
I was shocked to find out that Dad was wandering during the night, and in Independent Living they don't lock the front door until much later in the evening, and residents aren't under the same watchful eye as over in Assisted Living/Memory Care. The thought of Dad going out the front door at night and be on his own sent chills down my spine.
For me, Dad's move to Memory Care was very smooth. I told Dad a theraputic fib that moving to that wing of the building it would be less expensive. Dad liked his "dorm room". And he liked the fact that the building was locked early in the evening, no different then when he lived at home :)
Thus, the Staff has been on these rodeos many times over, so they are highly experience. If they say that Mom need Memory Care, she does. Eventually Mom will get use to her new room, it just takes time. Oh, does Mom's Power of Attorney have experience with dementia? If not, he/she would not be moving Mom around.
Eventually the facility could wind up saying that Mom needs to either leave or move to their Memory Care section as it isn't fair to the other residents who are in Assisted Living if the Staff is spending more time helping your Mom.
You and the family need to keep telling yourself this is best for Mom to move her into Memory Care. Yes, she may put up a fuss, majority of residents do that when they first move in as they are confused by their room not being the same, etc. And there are some loved ones who will never be happy in their new location, and when that happens, they will never be happy no matter where they move.
This is a lesson learned, it is better to move one when they still have the memory to learn their way around the new area, learn their apartment, learn who are the Aides that will be helping, and make some new friends if they so desire.
Is there any thing that she is really good at or really enjoys that could easily become a group activity?
Unfortunatly some people can never find happiness once they loose the control of their lives that they had. It is terribly difficult for everyone involved.
Try to focus on the facts of the situation and not feelings, because it is a very hard situation and it boils down to their safety and wellbeing and everything else needs to be sidelined.
I hated every minute of seeing my dad in a facility, it was easier than the alternative living arrangement he had and that kept me balanced.
I pray that your mom finds a level of acceptance and contentment for her new normal.