As some of you know, I’ve been sitting here lately, on the edge of my grave, realizing how important it is to get my ducks in a row, not only regarding the END of my life, but also all possible roads leading up to it. That’s all well and good for me but I think I waited too long to nudge DH to do the same.
We did the usual paperwork when we did our will, years ago, but even then, before any cognitive issues, it was a difficult exercise for him - and did not really get into the nitty-gritty details.
Then came the dinner party with the cheery funeral discussion. I noticed at the time DH was not participating and I made a mental note to sit down with him in private and try to coax some answers out of him. I tried a couple times, but not very hard.
A couple days ago a sales card from the Neptune Society came in the mail and I decided the time was ripe. I pulled up a chair next to him and dug in.
He tried! He really did! Oh, the labyrinth we traveled! I kicked myself every which way for letting this slide because I absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, know that unless I have a notorized document with his detailed wishes (written in his own blood and printed on a t-shirt)I am going to get beaten to a pulp by his family.
So here is how we left it: I told DH that unless he will give me explicit instructions, from here on out I am going to do whatever I want and tell his family “it’s what he told me he wanted.”
His response: “ok. Sounds good to me.” Now I’m going to have to start looking for a suit of armor at garage sales.
So I take this as in all honesty, it doesn't matter to him, he has no strong feelings either way, compared to a lot of people.
So I told him my plans , a simple military service at are national cemetery, and cremation, he shrugged and said, sure.
So maybe your husband just trust you and it really doesn't matter to him
If he hasn't had very strong feelings either way, I would just do what you think is right, and to heck with the family
Humor aside, he is your husband, you both decide or if he is really not caring, do what YOU want. As my husband said, "I am dead, what can I do about it." If others complain, let them pay for everything and sit back and have your memories.
Cheers!
You can always put darling Sue, the Sister in charge if that's what you want, as long as it is HER MONEY she's spending. For myself that would work great, because you know, after death NONE of my family wanted (or got) services. Dad's ashes are in the woods to the left of the Missouri shopping center. Mom's in Langsford's Rose Gardens, and my dearest Dee is in the Ocean he so loved to swim. As to mine? I honesty don't care where they'll go, so just it is cheap.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;" etc. My husband loved folk music (as do I), and this song was meaningful to us and also added a spiritual dimension to an otherwise secular occasion.
I guess I'd best figure out what I want now! (But at least we have a plot.)
My dh accidentally rear ended my deceased dad’s car. The car caught on fire but he escaped unscathed. I’ve known since our relationship that he had been an organ donor for decades but due to information I learned here, I personally could not go through with having someone technically breathing going in, and a harvested corpse going out. Nor could his parents handle it.
So after 43 years, he’s off the donor registry he signed onto at 16. It took multiple contacts before we were notified that he was off the list finally.
It may seem incidental, but I would remove your dh at this point.
You know why my brother is being cremated, because he is claustrophobic.