My brain is telling me yes, it was the right choice. He was wandering, sometimes would get angry, did get physical w my brother, regardless of if the situation was handled correctly. No one was hurt. He is there, it's been 2 days, we have a ring camera in the room. They didn't do what we asked as far as laying clothes out the night before for the morning. He is strong, can walk, can dress himself etc. Yes, he needs to be cued. I worry he feels abandoned. He has slept 4 hours the first night and 3 hours the 2nd night. They have asked us to stay away for a week or two. This is so hard. Just trying to navigate as me and my sibling have cared for him, had a 24 hour live in and a day person from 11-5. We didn't live in but were very involved. I understand the transition period, but I guess there is one for me too. I hate this disease. When does it get better?
A camera can be a mixed blessing. It can drive you crazy if you're going to watch it all day and expect staff to do things your way vs. their way. It's hard not to want to micromanage things in MC because you've cared for dad for a long while. But MC has a way of doing things that seems to work for the elders, a schedule they follow, etc. It's a good idea to let dad get acclimated to their ways, because structure is vital for dementia residents.
When I moved mom into Memory Care from regular AL, I visited her daily for the first few weeks. I didn't want her to feel abandoned, and I wanted to make sure she was okay. The admin makes a suggestion to not visit for a week or two, you don't have to follow that suggestion if it's upsetting you or you feel like dad is upset. Do what YOU feel is best. Then play it by ear afterward.
Things tend to get better when dad settles in. Mom was always a huge complainer, especially for ME, so to hear her tell it, she was being starved and ignored and yada yada, none of it true. A person doesn't gain weight steadily while being starved, or look clean and well dressed while being ignored. Some elders save up all their angst for US, the Bad Guys, while enjoying themselves with activities and crafts in MC. It's different for everyone, but don't jump at every complaint dad makes, or think you have to fix everything FOR him. Give him time to settle in.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
Allow yourself to mourn this loss. Allow him to as well.
You will expect adjustments. Give admins reminders of what to put in his care plan about his clothing layout, for instance.
This is heartbreaking stuff. Know you aren't alone. Know not everything can be fixed. You are not responsible to make it all "fine" for your Dad. No one can do that. It isn't fine. The end of life seldom is; rather it is a time of losses. I am so sorry. You are doing the right thing, the ONLY thing that can be done now.
Stay strong and let the professionals handle it. He doesn't need clothes laid out. He needs to be fed, clean and safe.
Maybe a quick call to say hello and you will see him soon? Call and ask the staff how he is. Try hard to stay away.
You’re a wonderful daughter to recognize this and you have made the right decision for placement.
This is new for your dad and it’s new for you. Both of you are going to adjust. Give it time.
Please listen to Lea’s comments. She found a lovely community for her own parents to live in. Lea’s mom was well cared for in her memory care.
She also worked in an assisted living community. She saw residents and their family members on a daily basis.
Wishing you peace.
Did you visit yet?