My grandmother is a 65 year old lady who has a house. She lives with my mother and she rents a room to an old man (he is 92 years old) who has lived with her for 10 years. She decided to rent the room because the ex asked for that favor before he died since my grandmother worked with them in the past and she had them and still has appreciation. The problem is that for two years he has shown signs of dementia, he says that he looks at people in his room, he speaks, he talks to them by himself, screams at night, hits the walls, at night he doesn't let anyone in the house sleep, he smokes all day and the house smells like cigarettes and my grandmother is tired. She has been patient, she has talked to him and listens to him and has made doctor's appointments but he never attends and when he attends he behaves normally in front of the doctors but at home it is a headache. He does not take the medicine that the doctors prescribe, grandmother thinks because he has dementia and that's why the doctor gave those pills. My grandmother is not at peace and she is afraid. During the quarantine I was also afraid because I lived in my grandmother's house and he said that those people wanted him to kill my cats and since that time we hid the cats from him, we do not know what to do? Help or recommendations please
Your grandmother is not obliged to take responsibility for this elderly gentleman's care no matter how long their friendship, and in fact because she doesn't have any formal connection with him it's probably a very bad idea for her to try.
You say that he won't take his medications, but that must mean that he does have a doctor and must have seen the doctor not that long ago, so it would also be sensible to report what is happening to that doctor. Just remember that although the doctor can accept your reports, the doctor can't tell you anything about the patient because of confidentiality laws (not even that the gentlemen IS their patient), so don't be surprised if you don't receive any acknowledgement - it doesn't mean the information is being ignored.
Because the gentleman has been paying rent to your grandmother she can't just kick him out of the house; there will be legal steps she has to take if that becomes necessary. But in any case the priority is to get him help, not to get rid of him - I expect your grandmother thinks so?
Help him find a Senior place to live.
Next time he has screaming spells or hallucinations, call 911 and let them know they need to take him to the hospital that you are afraid he is going to hurt himself or you.
Onice the Hospital has him, they might have him observed for 24 hrs in a mental ward or a Dr will check him out in the hospital and confirm dementia, ect.
The Important main thing here to remember is DO NOT Let him return to your home.
Tell the Hospital that you can no longer take care of him and they need to find him a Senior Place for him to live.
Again, Do Not check him out or agree he can go back to your house, even if they say it's just while they look for placement for him.
Tell them again that he would not be safe at your home, you are not able to care for home and his outbursts could hurt himself or you.
Does he have family?
If not then APS might be a place to start.
Grandma can not care for him and it is not her responsibility to do so.
Or one night as he is pounding on the walls and yelling call 911 and say that you are frightened as to what he might do. Tell the dispatcher that the man may have dementia or other undiagnosed altered mental state.
Does he have a lease?
If not a 30 day notice. If he leaves willingly great...BUT
You probably can not evict him at this time due to COVID many areas have prohibited that.
Look up the meds that he is refusing to take to find out what they are prescribed for. The full bottle that was filled a month ago will also tell the EMT (and others) that he is not taking medicine that was filled some time back.
Call anyone in his family if he has family left. They need to make arrangements for him and get him moved. Your g'mother has allowed him to rent a room all this time, but even as a long time family friend, she is under no obligation to care for him for the remainder of his days. Under different circumstances - like he maintained his health - it may have worked out to last for his lifetime, but that is not the case any longer. He needs to be with his own family or in facility care.
Calling APS and yes, even the police would not go amiss.
She needs him OUT, like, yesterday.
I've found that when someone 'thinks' someone else suffers from dementia or some such disorder, they aren't far off the mark.
Even at 92, this man could definitely have the strength to hurt your grandma. I hope you help her get him out. Your are going to need to change the locks and maybe put up some outside security cameras and be more vigilant about g-ma's safety.
Contact a lawyer to see what can legally be done to remove this man from her home and keep out of harm’s way.
Change the locks immediately that this man leaves the house regardless of where he goes and put extra security on any low windows. If possible put up some house security camera. If he does have an diagnosis of dementia, depending on how far gone his memory is at this point, he could remember the house and come back to it so vigilance will be needed.
Sending prayers and hugs to you and your Grand Mom during this difficult time.