Both of my parents are retired. My dad is active and wants to travel, keep busy, enjoy his retirement. My mom won't do anything, mainly because she doesn't like to walk. She is so out of shape that she can't take a few steps before she wants to sit down and rest. She sits at a kitchen table all day and won't do anything. She won't clean, cook, do any type of work around the house. The only thing she will do is get in the car and go to the casino where she sits at the closest slot machine to the door and won't move until it's time to go. She's stopped visiting relatives and family. She is overweight. Her previous complaint was her knee bothered her. She had both knees replaced and said they feel so much better, but still won't walk or be active. My dad is growing frustrated and doesn't know what to do. I've suggested maybe getting a personal trainer to get her active or a physical therapist. Any advice?
Don't feed into her narcissism to the point where everyone is catering to her at their own expense. Have family gatherings where YOU all want to and let her figure out that she has to get up and go to them or miss out altogether.
Is there any cultural component to this? I have known older ladies of certain ethnic/cultural groups who insist that the party come to them even though they are perfectly capable of going elsewhere.
I had a colleague years ago who grew up on a very small island. On this island, the tradition was, when a new baby was born, the mother walked with the baby to the new grandmother's home. Nice tradition.
Well, this lady moved to the US and her children were scattered across the country. When her grandchild was born in Ohio, she was incensed that her daughter in law was not immediately getting on a plane to come visit NYC the week after the birth.
Sometimes you have to shift people's expectations.
I'd question how does she react is she's not able to go to the casino. That might offer a clue as to how much of a problem that is.