My husband loves to tell stories about himself and his life. These stories can go on and on for 20-30 minutes. If I try to change the subject, he just glares at me and keeps talking. I have heard these same stories over and over but when he “traps” unsuspecting people who don’t want to be impolite, I don’t know what to do. Help!
Like NYDaughterinLaw asked, who are these "unsuspecting" people that he "traps" with his stories, when he's not leaving the house? Or is it just you that he is driving crazy with them? And are they true stories, or made up ones because of his Alzheimer's?
Perhaps you need to educate yourself more on Alzheimer's/dementia, so you can better understand why he does what he does. Teepa Snow has some great videos on YouTube, that are very helpful, along with the book The 36 Hour Day, which is a great resource as well.
And there will come a day when he won't be able to share his stories, and you will wish he could.
Then when he starts rambling on to people, tell him not to that he has to save it for the book.
Maybe that will give him a sense of importance and make him feel like many people will want to read about his stories. It's worth a shot.
Every attempt I made to try to get him to actually answer their questions failed.
The people he “traps” are at church, at the grocery store, people who come in for repairs, etc and friends and relatives that come to visit. Most understand but don’t want to be rude or insensitive while he rambles on.
I did encourage him to write “his story” and even suggested he make a voice recording to no avail. He doesn’t tell me stories - only other people.
If she ever gets dementia, it will probably get worse (unless she can't remember all the details--perhaps she'll embellish what she remembers, and fabricate the rest!).
The person I am with has Alzheimer's
Please be patient
Thank you
Hand one out to the person DH is rambling on with. Here is a link to purchase these cards:
https://www.alzstore.com/please-be-patient-alzheimers-cards-p/0187.htm
Good luck!
You said Mom suffered from ALZ so you are probably aware that his ALZ is probably worsening. That trying to reason with him will have no effect. That he is becoming more self-centered. I believe they become like children. Small children are self-centered. We as parents teach them not to be. But someone suffering from a Dementia cannot be taught or trained. Their short-term memory loss prevents that.
Thank you again forum members!
Most often, the only time a person with ALZ is able to hear themselves make any sense and hear themselves string words together without effort is when they are telling of something out of their long-term past.
God love him, let him talk.
This isn't just listening to a long winded friend telling a story; it is dysfunctional brain chemistry.
This person is exhausted / overwhelmed / doesn't want to be 'impolite' - she needs to set limits for her own sanity. Otherwise, she will burnout as so many do who do not know how to set limits and re-adjust their thinking of self-care vs being impolite, guilt ridden, overwhelmed.
It is a learning curve.
Say you have something to do and will come back later.
It is NOT IMPOLITE. He cannot help it and you need to set boundaries.
(I experienced this with a friend-he'd go into movie story lines.). While he didn't have dementia, I had to tell him I don't have the attention span to listen without periods and paragraphs.
He isn't trapping people. He can't 'do' otherwise and it is up to the people involved to interrupt this behavior. So what, he glares at you? Do not be intimated by changing brain chemistry. Just be okay with feeling uncomfortable. Do you give your personal power away to a brain that doesn't know what its doing.
Gena / Touch Matters
If you are tired of hearing endless stories for hours on end, walk away. As for strangers, I suppose that it is somewhat embarrassing. It probably bothers you more than them. They will listen if they choose to or walk away if not. Let them decide.
I know a woman that does this to people everywhere she goes. Believe it or not, some people carry on a conversation with her. Others think she’s crazy and simply walk away. She has always been like your husband and she doesn’t have Alzheimer’s disease. She is lonely. She is never satisfied with anything. She is totally misguided. I limit my time around her because she drives me crazy. I am never rude to her but I nip it in the bud. She’s extremely negative and it stresses me out. Misery loves company and I refuse to be her company.
Have you thought about placing your husband in a facility? Would he go?