This post is long I wanted to give background.
I have 2 siblings and a mother that have ALWAYS been in my life. My parents were divorced when I was 6 and I saw some unbelievable life occurrences. My dad would get my brother and I for about 2 weeks, when he could in the summer, he was in the military, but by the time I reached 8th grade he stopped getting us. And I didn’t hear from him again until I was graduating from high school, where he disapproved of my college choice that he wasn’t paying for.
As an adult he has been in and out especially when he gets upset he cuts you off from his life.
I am everyone’s POA in my family...I don’t know how I got this great responsibility. Three have/had serious medical issues...One of my brother’s and I have always been close. Due to his major health issues he unexpectedly passed last year 12/29/19. Before he passed he was legally blind and a paraplegic (12/2017), but he lived independently on his own.
My Dad also always independent his health started taking a turn for the worse in 3/2018. I was left taking care of both of them, when it came to their bills while they were in the hospital & rehabs. Both live in different cities than I do, so my family and I did a lot of traveling. Not to mention my career is pretty hectic.
Dad was declining in taking care of himself obvious through (spoiled food, clothes not being washed, forgets names, numerous falls, bills stacking up, buys lots of magazines he never reads, never answers phone, but calls when he wants or needs help usually after a fall when he can’t get up). My dad since this time has been in the hospital 2 more times during Covid. He has always been big on staying in his home, I even moved my newly 18 yr old down to support his needs back in July2020. However, dad was placed in a rehab after his last ER visit and stayed in the rehab for 2.5 months. We tried to visit every other weekend but due to Covid rules at the rehab it made it difficult.
In the month of Oct. when we visited he turned 80 and for the 1st time he said he thought it would be best to sell his house and move into a place like the rehab. He has been in his home for about 12 years. I asked if he was sure. He rationally said yes with reasoning. We were able to visit him one more time in early Nov., where again I brought up the idea and he said yes move him.
He has a sister needing care so we thought maybe they could be in the same facility. He said yes and it would be great if his sister was able to go too. So, I busted my butt beginning to look in his city and mine. Found a spot in mine where they’d have adjoining rooms. I called him multiple times which he never answered. Tried to visit, but due to them having a Covid case they went on lock down. So, I made the decision on a place. I thought it best to move him straight from rehab to the place instead of going back to his home. The people from the rehab and the different facilities I spoke to also agreed, we all believed if he went home he would change his mind.
He’s been in the AL for about a week and he has made me the villain. I’ve moved him without his permission and I think he’s an invalid. I’m trying to control him and his money. He can live by himself and take care of himself. He has called my son and asked him to pick him up and take him home. In the 2.5 months he was in hospital care he only called my son twice and usually not by his name, but by my deceased brothers name.
Was I wrong, should I move him back to his home? Before finalizing this decision I looked into caregivers it’s extremely expensive and his home health care along with rehab both say he needs 24hr care.
I’m stressed I spend more time trying to get things together for him than I do myself or my family. I’m exhausted and trying to do the right thing though he wasn’t/hasn’t been apart of my life. I moved him closer to me so I can get to him quicker if and when needed. Should I move him back and allow him to fend for himself?
For myself, I would resign my POA. Your father can seek guardianship by the state or any other family member or friend who is willing to do it.
And WHATEVER you choose to do with your own life, please, I beg you, do not enlist your 18 year old son in sacrificing HIS life to this nonsense.
I cannot imagine why you are sacrificing your life to this man who has been basically a stranger in your own life when you needed a father. But it isn't for me to try to imagine your motivations, nor his. If you choose to continue to do it I can only ask that you realize that you are doing it by your own choice.
Seek professional help in making choices for your life moving forward if you think that may help you at all. And again, please, set your poor son free of all this.
You indicate that somehow you have ended up as POA for all these persons. The truth is that you chose to do so. Were I you I would choose now to stop. But you must make your own decisions, as you have done always.
I surely do wish you good luck going forward, but if this continues on in this manner then luck won't be enough to make much difference in your life. Some believe there is a reward in some afterlife. I don't. To me this is my one life. I won't place it on a sacrificial altar of any kind.