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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Husband has Alzheimer's and is declining. Now holding his urine is becoming a problem. He went in the waste paper basket one morning. Some suggestions please. We just went to the doctor there was no infection with the bladder. Thank you.
You permanently remove all his cloth briefs and only provide disposable ones. Then consider adaptive clothing for people with ALZ, called "anti-strip" jumpsuits so he can no longer access his briefs to urinate elsewhere but in the disposable.
Cheeky, I’m sorry; it’s kind of a landmark moment, isn’t it? So much depends on whether your husband has lost total control, day and night or if you’re dealing only with periods of incontinence.
You will probably have to experiment with products and absorb ability but I agree with Geaton regarding removing all cloth briefs and replacing with disposables. It was hard for my husband to give them up but I was doing so much laundry it was ridiculous.
Bed making may have to change as well. I have started to make up my husband’s bed this way: mattress, waterproof sheet, fitted sheet, second waterproof sheet, second fitted sheet, flat, top sheet, water resistant blanket. That way, if I need to rescue him in the middle of the night I can whip off the uppermost fitted sheet and waterproof sheet and he can go right back to bed. A bedside commode may be a future possibility. I’m sorry, this part is really hard. I hope this helps a little.
These are heartbreaking times and grief filled. No one wants to experience a spouse doing these things due to losing brain cells.
He needs to be in a facility who can handle his needs 24/7. This behavior will progress and you are not equipped to handle it as professionals are in a nursing home or facility / locked memory care unit where he will have 24/7 supervision and care.
You should 'only' visit and enjoy what time together you can.
Yes, he is declining and this will continue. I question if there are reasons why he is still living at home with you - which I presume is the situation.
He needs to be in a nursing home or a facility so he can get the care he needs.
Once he’s at that point, there’s no going back. He’ll do it again somewhere else, many times. Possibilities are in the nightstand drawer, in his shoe, in your shoe, on the table top, in the dishwasher, in the bathtub, on a box on a low shelf, on the baseboards, all over the carpet. The above are true examples observed by me.
Male urine has an odor unlike any other. It’s nigh impossible to get rid of it, though white vinegar or commercial products can help. The decision is yours - can you live with this as long as he lives? With cleaning it up four or more times a day? I’m so sorry, but most people need to be placed when this symptom surfaces. Professionals have ways of dealing with it in a matter-of-fact and kind manner.
I wish you luck in finding the right place for him.
You are so right. My husband IS in a nursing home with end stage Frontal Temporal Dementia and goes in his private room on the carpet, hallway, trash can, etc. etc. He has his own bathroom and has no clue what it’s for and walks past it to pee at the doorway in front of others in the hall. I’m so upset, shocked, etc. but they tell me that once this starts (July) it gets worse & worse. Depends have NO bearing on this. He wears them and pulls them down to pee or defacate! He’s not incontinent yet, but, what’s left of his brain is telling him it doesn’t feel good to be soaking wet. Ugh! I could never, ever deal with this in my home - never! It’s unsanitary, unhealthy to touch and constantly be cleaning floors, furniture, etc. They are so patient with him - I tell them they need double the pay and gold medals. I was told by a male nurse it’s more common than not with men. The problem is the other women patients who do not have dementia and see this. They tell their families and they, in turn, demean the facility “do something” with my husband or else. He can’t help it, doesn’t remember and they try to keep on top of it by constantly bringing him into the bathroom every hour or so. At night he wanders and pees on the floor. It’s a terrible problem. That would be the end of the line for me if he was still at home. It’s time to be placed.
I agree with others. It's time to find a memory care. My dad and step mom stayed in their home for way too long. It smelled like urine, no, it reeked of urine, mainly due to my dad. They refused diapers or any other mitigation. Now he is in memory care. You cannot smell even a whiff of urine in his residence. The staff are wonderful and they have all the techniques and equipment they need to keep him dry and UTI-free, and fed and clean. Getting them from home to facilities is a whole other journey I won't go into right now. But it's the best thing for him and us.
I came to this website to find supportive, encouragement and helpful ideas for us to keep my father at home, but most of the answers just say, put them in a nursing home no matter what situation I asked about. I will say the issue you described will continue to happen in new places and may become the norm. it was a challenge for us and was a lot of work! But, we are a large family, and with the use of a lot of chucks, using child locks on cabinets, so he could not go in there, removing garbage cans and laundry baskets, using child lock door knobs to keep things out of reach… we did not put my father in the nursing home. He used to go between the washer and dryer, which was impossible to keep cleaning so we taped a chuck (big blue puppy training or bad accident disposable cloths) over the front of the washer and dryer and left it a little on the floor to catch the next “accident”. You need to make the best choice for your family, but I love it when people give suggestions that might help. (We were able to sign my Dad up with Hospice while we kept him at home and they were able to provide the chucks, gloves, shakes, thickeners, and people who could help with a shower and in home nurse visits so that really helped in cost and brainstorming ideas.)
You are fortunate to have a large family that helps. Most of us don't. I have finally managed to get most of the urine stink out of the house, but it took a long time.
I thought that running the dishwater a few times after DH peed in it would clean it, but the hot water and steam just seemed to bring out the urine smell and keep it fresh. I finally found tablets for deep cleaning a dishwasher, and they did the trick. I threw out chair cushions he used for a toilet, shampooed carpet multiple times, soaked clothes in undiluted white vinegar for days (worked great). I bought a commercial product to clean floors and grout and kept using until until the odor was gone. I threw away the shower curtain that he peed on because the odor wouldn't wash out. Anyway, it's been a mess! He'd be mortified if he understood what he's doing. But he doesn't.
Glad that you checked out things for infection. You are on this. I think you must also know that this is a symptom of late middle stage to late stage dementia. This will get worse. It is often also very difficult to keep, especially males, in incontinence wear.
You may be coming to the time when placement must be considered for your sake as much as for his own safety. Sadly. I wish you the very best. I hope someone has some hints for you.
I would make sure that he wears his Depends "underwear" all day and night, and you can try putting a bedside commode right next to where he is during the day and night so he doesn't have to travel far to use the bathroom. You can also talk to his urologist about using a condom catheter as well, or even a supra pubic catheter which is a permanent catheter. I understand that for some incontinence is the straw that breaks the camels back, and they want to place their loved one in the appropriate facility, but there are solutions like the catheters if you choose to keep your husband at home. My late husband who had vascular dementia was incontinent for the last 3 years of his life and we ended up having a supra pubic catheter placed which was a Godsend, as we were finally able to sleep through the night and I just had to empty his bag once in the morning and once in the evening. I was able to keep my husband in our home until his death in 2020, and am grateful to have been able to do that, but certainly understand that everyone is different and you must do what is best for the both of you. Best wishes in figuring out exactly what that is.
My husband did that, too, and now he is totally incontinent due to vascular dementia as a result of two strokes. His urologist just said, “that ship has sailed.” So we just use Depends, and put 3 extra incontinence pads in them. At night, he wears double Depends and pads and we have waterproof pads above and below his sheet. I also help him to the bathroom every couple of hours while he is awake.
I also am using this product under the sheet which helps eliminates completely changing the bed in the middle of the night.
https://peelaways.com/
Google these products and you can find them available through several online sites at various prices. On occasion I deal with leakage but nothing like before I began using these products.
If you have not already, check with your local Council on Aging to help pay for incontinence products. Ours gives a once a year $300 grant that helps immensely. In our state, their caregiver services are not based on income but need for the services... they also give respite grants. For veterans, they also provide incontinence supplies.
Time to put him in memory care. Or start using diapers. There's special clothing for incontinent people with dementia that they can't take off themselves. A condom catheter combined with the non-removable clothing could be a solution that works for you both.
If you haven't already it would be a good idea to talk to your husband's doctor about ordering an in-home needs assessment done by a nurse. This will help you with information on homecare and how to get ther things your husband wil need now to stay in the home. Good luck.
Men n women. Of a certain age get weak bladders unfortunately with me. It’s worth getting the doctor to check their prostate That said the options are: Disposable incontinence pants ( go for ones that hold most liquid) you have lots of available stuff if you google incontinence products For my dad we use incontinence pants and incontinence sheets they even have incontinence duvets wipeable - my dad lays on one low tog as a flat sheet wee bottles to save running to loo not making it in time- white vinegar diluted to wash n get rid of smells we have a bowl with flannel n water in room fir quick wipe downs n be fresh with a little disinfectant in the water good luck
Get him a catheter. A urologist can put it in. My husband was getting up 10 to 12 times a night to urinate. He now mostly sleeps through the night. Not a problem if you get it changed on schedule and empty the bag often. A blessing for both of us.
With alzheimers at play, a catheter is not likely an option. I'd put him in an incontinence brief 24/7. If he rips it off, the you'll have to dress him in anti strip wear available on Amazon.
Lealonnie, my late husband was well into his vascular dementia diagnosis when he had a supra pubic catheter placed, and it was a lifesaver for me and him as prior to that we were getting up every hour on the hour for him to pee even though he wore Depends, and we both were running on empty from no sleep. So dementia or not, I do believe that rather it just be a condom catheter for overnight, or the supra pubic one, they both can help significantly.
Mistaking a waste basket for the toilet is rather common mistake. I know guys without dementia who do this when super tired or under influence of sedating medications. So, you can try getting your hubby a urinal - plastic jug with a cap on top - to use. After he voids into it, you simply pour it into the toilet. The trick is to start him using it now and remind him to use it about every 2 hours while awake.
If he is having difficulty holding his urine at night while he sleeps, get him pull-up incontinence briefs that specify "overnight". I also suggest using a waterproof pad under him on his side of the bed. Waterproof mattress toppers cut in half work nicely.
It sounds less like inability to hold his urine than interpreting inappropriate containers and spaces as triggers to urinate. More and more objects and spaces will trigger this response as time goes on, and the response will increase quickly.
I'm seeing a lot of answers that mention dementia causing inappropriate behaviour but since the OP mentions he said couldn't hold his urine the simplest answer would be to provide a urinal or a bedside commode, all the other options are still available if that doesn't help 🤷♀️
Is he wearing absorbent underwear for incontinence? It is also time that you need to get him to the bathroom before it gets to the point where he "can't hold it" or you convince him that going in the absorbent underwear is ok. This will progress and he will become bowel incontinent as well. It is at this point that many decide that caring for someone that is bladder and bowel incontinent is more than the can manage alone. the options then are hiring a caregiver or placing him in Memory Care.
Works better to get him to agree if you call them "disposable underwear". After a rash of accidents, mostly at night, I was able to convince my wife to wear them, but she also did not like to be wet or dirty.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You will probably have to experiment with products and absorb ability but I agree with Geaton regarding removing all cloth briefs and replacing with disposables. It was hard for my husband to give them up but I was doing so much laundry it was ridiculous.
Bed making may have to change as well. I have started to make up my husband’s bed this way: mattress, waterproof sheet, fitted sheet, second waterproof sheet, second fitted sheet, flat, top sheet, water resistant blanket. That way, if I need to rescue him in the middle of the night I can whip off the uppermost fitted sheet and waterproof sheet and he can go right back to bed. A bedside commode may be a future possibility.
I’m sorry, this part is really hard. I hope this helps a little.
He needs to be in a facility who can handle his needs 24/7.
This behavior will progress and you are not equipped to handle it as professionals are in a nursing home or facility / locked memory care unit where he will have 24/7 supervision and care.
You should 'only' visit and enjoy what time together you can.
Yes, he is declining and this will continue.
I question if there are reasons why he is still living at home with you - which I presume is the situation.
He needs to be in a nursing home or a facility so he can get the care he needs.
Gena / Touch Matters
Male urine has an odor unlike any other. It’s nigh impossible to get rid of it, though white vinegar or commercial products can help. The decision is yours - can you live with this as long as he lives? With cleaning it up four or more times a day? I’m so sorry, but most people need to be placed when this symptom surfaces. Professionals have ways of dealing with it in a matter-of-fact and kind manner.
I wish you luck in finding the right place for him.
I was told by a male nurse it’s more common than not with men. The problem is the other women patients who do not have dementia and see this. They tell their families and they, in turn, demean the facility “do something” with my husband or else. He can’t help it, doesn’t remember and they try to keep on top of it by constantly bringing him into the bathroom every hour or so. At night he wanders and pees on the floor. It’s a terrible problem. That would be the end of the line for me if he was still at home. It’s time to be placed.
He used to go between the washer and dryer, which was impossible to keep cleaning so we taped a chuck (big blue puppy training or bad accident disposable cloths) over the front of the washer and dryer and left it a little on the floor to catch the next “accident”.
You need to make the best choice for your family, but I love it when people give suggestions that might help.
(We were able to sign my Dad up with Hospice while we kept him at home and they were able to provide the chucks, gloves, shakes, thickeners, and people who could help with a shower and in home nurse visits so that really helped in cost and brainstorming ideas.)
I thought that running the dishwater a few times after DH peed in it would clean it, but the hot water and steam just seemed to bring out the urine smell and keep it fresh. I finally found tablets for deep cleaning a dishwasher, and they did the trick. I threw out chair cushions he used for a toilet, shampooed carpet multiple times, soaked clothes in undiluted white vinegar for days (worked great). I bought a commercial product to clean floors and grout and kept using until until the odor was gone. I threw away the shower curtain that he peed on because the odor wouldn't wash out. Anyway, it's been a mess! He'd be mortified if he understood what he's doing. But he doesn't.
You may be coming to the time when placement must be considered for your sake as much as for his own safety. Sadly. I wish you the very best. I hope someone has some hints for you.
You can also talk to his urologist about using a condom catheter as well, or even a supra pubic catheter which is a permanent catheter.
I understand that for some incontinence is the straw that breaks the camels back, and they want to place their loved one in the appropriate facility, but there are solutions like the catheters if you choose to keep your husband at home.
My late husband who had vascular dementia was incontinent for the last 3 years of his life and we ended up having a supra pubic catheter placed which was a Godsend, as we were finally able to sleep through the night and I just had to empty his bag once in the morning and once in the evening.
I was able to keep my husband in our home until his death in 2020, and am grateful to have been able to do that, but certainly understand that everyone is different and you must do what is best for the both of you.
Best wishes in figuring out exactly what that is.
Here is the brand I discovered that is better than Depends brand and works best for my husband:
https://tranquilityproducts.com/
I use the Overnight Briefs 24/7 and they also have thin booster pads which can be much more comfortable rather than the extra incontinence pads.
Here is the brand of washable bed pads that works best for my husband:
https://www.mipinc.com/products/categories/underpads/patient-care-underpads/fusion%C2%AE-underpads.html?classid=75
I also am using this product under the sheet which helps eliminates completely changing the bed in the middle of the night.
https://peelaways.com/
Google these products and you can find them available through several online sites at various prices. On occasion I deal with leakage but nothing like before I began using these products.
If you have not already, check with your local Council on Aging to help pay for incontinence products. Ours gives a once a year $300 grant that helps immensely. In our state, their caregiver services are not based on income but need for the services... they also give respite grants. For veterans, they also provide incontinence supplies.
If you haven't already it would be a good idea to talk to your husband's doctor about ordering an in-home needs assessment done by a nurse. This will help you with information on homecare and how to get ther things your husband wil need now to stay in the home. Good luck.
with me. It’s worth getting the doctor to check their prostate
That said the options are:
Disposable incontinence pants
( go for ones that hold most liquid)
you have lots of available stuff if you google incontinence products
For my dad we use incontinence pants and incontinence sheets
they even have incontinence duvets wipeable - my dad lays on one low tog as a flat sheet
wee bottles to save running to loo not making it in time- white vinegar diluted to wash n get rid of smells
we have a bowl with flannel n water in room fir quick wipe downs n be fresh with a little disinfectant in the water
good luck
Good luck to you.
So dementia or not, I do believe that rather it just be a condom catheter for overnight, or the supra pubic one, they both can help significantly.
If he is having difficulty holding his urine at night while he sleeps, get him pull-up incontinence briefs that specify "overnight". I also suggest using a waterproof pad under him on his side of the bed. Waterproof mattress toppers cut in half work nicely.
It is also time that you need to get him to the bathroom before it gets to the point where he "can't hold it" or you convince him that going in the absorbent underwear is ok.
This will progress and he will become bowel incontinent as well.
It is at this point that many decide that caring for someone that is bladder and bowel incontinent is more than the can manage alone. the options then are hiring a caregiver or placing him in Memory Care.
If he can't make it to the toilet in time because it is too far a walk, try getting a portable commode and place nearer to where he is.
But still, he should be wearing some type of disposable incontinence product to catch accidents and dribbles.