My 90 year older mother will be discharged from the hospital. I suppose Medicare sends a home care nurse, PT to the home but she will need someone with her during the day while my sister is at work until Community Medicaid can send someone.
My sister is 67 years old and is gone 14 hour days working in Manhattan. She leaves at 6am and a she’s back home at 8pm.
My mother doesn’t have dementia and can do most things herself but she will be weak, etc and needs help.
I moved to Denver 5 years ago due to my husband’s company relocating us.
I flew in since my mother is in the hospital but as soon as I do that, my sister resumes her life and goes back to work. I appreciate that I have her living here with mom. FYI: She’s never been married and can be quite introverted so she is at home with mom during the weekends.
It’s like we’re having a power struggle on who will lose their job over this. I argue that my income helps pay for the very expensive rent in Denver (over $2,000/month and we are paying off 2 cars.)
I’m 57 years old and finally found a job where they appreciate me, go to bat for me. I’ve only found small businesses here to work for and they always let me go because small businesses are fickle. I don't qualify for family leave. Besides that, without my working we won’t be able to pay the bills. Paycheck to paycheck.
My sister is a compulsive shopper and at 67 suddenly wants to save for retirement at the 11th hour. She has paid for a hotel when my Uncle was homeless at $1,400 2x for the month, so she has way more disposable income than I do. She is banking her social security benefits and lives off her income from her job.
We keep arguing. She thinks she needs to work and I don’t abd can stay here. My job is only myself and my supervisor who took a $5k salary cut to keep me on. If I’m away, she’s there alone and the business will tank. I don’t want to lose a job that finally sticks up for me and took me forever to find plus we can’t do it on my husband’s salary.
My sister thinks because we have a modest 401k that we can take the hit because, “she only has herself to rely on”. I get her fear for the long run but for the immediate time, I need to be making money. I don’t collect anything.
Maddening. My financial needs are dire. She is comfortable and just wants to save. She also qualifies for the Family Care Leave Act. I don’t.
She already lives here in NY. I live in Denver and I’m leaving behind my husband who doesn’t have a good support system there and is a recovering alcoholic.
I love my mother dearly. I would take her back to Denver in a heartbeat but at that altitude with her COPD/CHF, it’s not a good place for her.
Last summer when mom was in the hospital, it was me who spent from May to early August with her because I was collecting unemployment and could. My sister insists she has to go to work.
My sister is being extremely stubborn. I feel like I can go crazy with this. Medicare doesn’t send help for that many hours and Community Medicaid will take 45 days to 90 or more.
Someone has to stay with mom until Community Medicaid kicks in. Any suggestions? I thought there was a case for Immediate Need in NY state with Medicaid but I don’t think mom is eligible since she has Medicare. The only options are private pay?
My sister says she can pay for some private care. My mom’s house is in a trust and she has minimal savings. I don’t have much and am paycheck to paycheck.
Why must this be so maddening,? My sister is exhausted working in NYC at age 67. Why doesn’t she give it up and get something part time and stay with mom during this interim when we need help? Private pay for that many hours is a fortune.
Why must it be me to lose my job, go broke, and live in NY away from everyone I know? I’m so frustrated and angry, I’m beside myself. She can’t really think I’m better off than she is?
"I'm sorry, neither your sister nor you should give up their jobs. If it unsafe for mom to be alone at home, then she shouldn't be discharged home'.
THIS.
Avoid this tussle between siblings - get on the same page. If 90 yo Mom can't get home yet - she goes to rehab.
Talk to the Hospital Social Worker and see if there are programs that would provide a caregiver for a few hours each day.
Area Agency on Aging might help.
contact her local Senior Center they may have programs available or know of some.
Take it from someone who has had to stay on jobs where they weren't "appreciated" because the alternative would have been a cardboard condo under a bridge.
For God's sake, grow up. Your sister thus far has pretty much taken all the responsibility for mom. It's time for you to take some.
Your sister is also one-hundred percent responsible for herself. There's no husband she can fall back on. She knows she has to have all her ducks in a row as far as what her retirement and old age will look like. Maybe that's why she's still working those long hours at her age. Her job may also be her respite from your mother and her care needs.
Also, you do qualify for the Family Leave Act. It is a federal law and everyone qualifies. You may not get paid for a few months, but your boss will have to hold your job. I'm sure you will be able to manage staying with your mom (for up to four months).
If you're not willing to temporarily be a caregiver for your mother and your sister is back at work and can't either, she has to go into rehab or AL for a while until homecare services can be put in place in the home and Medicaid starts picking up the tab.
I wouldn't use any of my own funds, including my 401K as I need that for my own retirement. You say your mother's house is in a trust, who manages that? That can be seen as an asset and could significantly delay getting Medicaid to pay for care. It might be better for the trust to sell the house and use the funds for her care. Most of my Mother's assets were in a trust and I have used them to pay for her care as the alternative was to give up my life, and nothing is worth that. I know that there will be no inheritance or trust funds, but I would rather enjoy life than wait for some money.
Don't let your mother be discharged until you have a solution to pay for her care that is suitable for both of you. Sell the house if necessary, but don't give up your life or quit your job, there are other options.
my SIL and BIL were looking to assign us caregiving duties. Absolutely not. I fought hard not to step into that role and have my retired life taken away from me. I worked since I was 15.
you can’t make that expectation of your sister, and she should not make it of you.
Im hoping rehab will take the time needed to care for her in the interim.
If the want for inheritance and/or to keep her “happy at home” is a larger priority, you two can consider splitting the private pay for the aides until supposedly Medicaid comes in.