My dad has been in the nursing home for a month and seems to be adjusting quite well. He is gaining weight and looks good. My dad has late stage dementia and communication has gotten difficult. He looks like he wants to talk, but can't get the words together. I'm the one that feels abandoned! After living with my dad for 2 1/2 years, 24/7, I'm feeling cut off from his new life. I am the widowed, only child and I work Monday - Friday. I try to get there several times a week. Sometimes my visits seem to upset him and he thinks of excuses for me to leave. I went one evening and he was getting ready for bed and was asleep by the time I got into his room. I ask his techs & nurses how he's doing and they say he's doing great, going to some activities... Is there one person I can contact and ask how he's doing? If he needs anything? I feel like there should be some sort of a handbook for the caregivers: Now That Your Loved One is in a Nursing Home and let us know what they want us to do.
If you are feeling guilty, please don't. You did the right thing. Create a schedule for yourself, when you will go see him, maybe just twice a week and get on with your life.
xo
-SS
I tell families all the time to find the person in the facility that you connect with and trust. That may be the evening or weekend charge nurse for you. The charge nurse can be your first contact and be able to answer specific questions related to care. Ask her for feedback about your visits. Does dad seem upset when I leave? How is he sleeping? etc...
Also, make sure you receive an invitation to his quarterly care conference. Every quarter your dad is assessed by the dietician, social worker, activities person and nurse. The care conference is scheduled after that assessment and you should be invited to attend those. That's a great opportunity to get to know the staff and obtain information from those assessments.
I hope this helps in some small way. It's never easy...
--author, "Inside the Dementia Epidemic: A Daughter's Memoir"