Recently there have been number of scolding posts that imply selfishness and ingratitude on the part of tired, worn-out, strung-out caregivers. The argument is: your mama took care of you and now you have the nerve to complain about taking care of her?
So, I ask you: is this really a parallel?
Of course, there are similarities: the physical care, the trips to the doctor, the worrying, the medications, the sleepless nights, the responsibility that goes on for a decade or two-ish.
But I would argue this as well:
When my mom took care of me, she was in her twenties and, at the time she needed to lift me up, I weighted about 10-15 pounds.
She changed my diapers but only for a couple of years and I was still pretty light to lift.
As a child I could eat, drink, dress myself, move objects, make phone calls, and leave the house for many hours a day on my own.
I was pretty cheeky at the age of twelve but i did not have a driver's license, a check book and a credit card. I was not in a position to spend all of the family fortune/college/retirement money on clothes, jewelry and records.
Also and significantly, I was getting ready to go out into the word to have a life, which brought much joy and, ultimately, travel into my parents' lives.
How I wished I would had found this website 5 years ago, I would have done a lot of things differently regarding my own parents. Such as realizing it was their own choice to remain in their single family home being 90+ years old, thus they needed to own up to the responsibilities of making that choice.
I remember the first time my mother fell in her bedroom, I had people ask why weren't you there to prevent that. It was 3am, I was sleeping, caregivers do need sleep.
As greeneyemom said it is tough situation. You do the best you can and you still get held up by critics. People who never usually offer you any help either,
I'm glad that you're having a rewarding time of it. Keep up the good work, but being a tad less judgemental would be nice. Not all of us can afford to take time off from work to caregive, even temporarily.
So, no even with a healthy adult child/parent relationship there is no valid pound for pound comparison between the care that a psychologically, physically, socially developing child receives and the care that a psychologically, physically, and socially declining elderly adult receives. Plus one is done by someone usually in their 20's who is young, energetic as well as healthy enough to handle the demands while the other is often done by someone in their late 50's and some on this site are even far older who often don't have the physical health or energy or psychological stamina to care directly for an aging parent which I think about the oldest person I've read about being cared for on this site is around 103 years old. My dad often said before he became old that older people don't have any business taking care of older people because they are too old.
She appreciated it, when I had a backup, and her life ended on Oct. 6, but the reality is, I worked 190 days 11-13 hours a day without a day off. I was just about dead tired. It has taken me this long to figure out what was wrong. They do not have all he answers going to the hospital. Give them time, they the doctors are making gr
Just take care of each other and be accountable to yourself. We are no good to the elderly if we are sick. I was never contagious, but I always stayed away from the facility. ALwAYS.
somewhere in the heat from Alabama all the way to Washington State, my two cents.
Kids. Elderly. I am 55 very athletic, and I can bend like a 35 year old. That does not mean anything other than, this. Kids run, they run from you up the stairs down the stairs, hide in the closets, if there are four of them that is not the same as the Elderly. They are apples and oranges.
I was a caregiver UNPAID for my mother and father for two years, and then a PAID caregiver and a household helper for the rest of the time. I did this because my parents needed me. I had two other sisters that were convinced I had the time. They have their houses paid for. I do not bicker, I do for my parents. They deserve it.
Kids are Kids
Elderly are Elderly,
It is kind of like cracking an egg, you never know what you are going to get inside two yokes or one, meaning, actually that was dumb. both are different and they are apples and oranges or grapes and prunes. :-)
There is no comparison. My son brings me joy every day as I see him mature, play sports, get good grades, etc. Although I love my mom, I know there is not going to be any more growth, just declines. No specific bellyaches about taking care of a woman who can do very little for herself, there are enough valid and real similarities to what I experience with my mom on this topic here. Rather, just a real life answer - no comparison. One is a joyful task, the other, not so much.
I am not sure which comment you resent.
By the way, there are a number of threads here about less than sympathetic parents.
For myself, I never assume that families are the same.
big hug and good luck!
very very different and kind of a passive aggressive guilt driven comment I think!
My response to that was "really, have you ever tried to pick up a 150 pound baby who has fallen and is dead weight", that usually silences them.
We all know how caregiving is going to end, to compare the two to a child that grows and goes off on their own is ridiculous. The only time that you could compare the two are in cases when you're dealing with a physically or mentally disabled child.
Other than that, not even close.