I work for an elderly couple, one has dementia. Their son lives in another state and will be bringing his wife and kids to stay and "play" and vacation. They have done this before and took advantage of me asking me to do THEIR laundry and dishes etc. I am here to care for the parents....NOT a maid. I also find I have resentment for them taking advantage of personal care attendants, so they can go off and play all day. Why can't they just stay and do fun things/ take care of their folks at home? They're only here for a week. It baffles me. How can I gently approach the issue with them/ my employer?
You have to understand that in their minds you do the dishes and the laundry and everything else that the lady of the house can no longer do and I promise you that translates into taking care of their child and their spouse and family. Just like mama would do if she was able.
I don't think that they have any notion that they are taking advantage or abusing you in any way.
If you feel like what they are asking you to do is too much, and I think that you doing their laundry is asking too much, then you need to speak with your employer and tell them that you feel like they are crossing boundaries by asking you to do chores for the family. You can ask for more money or you can say it is not something that you are willing to do. But you need to address the situation because you are feeling resentful about it and that will show.
Choose your battle carefully if you like your job. Putting them on the spot will not be good for anyone involved. Decide what you are willing to take on and negotiate how this can happen without anyone feeling upset.
Another thing that you want to consider, people assume that you should be perpetually busy when you are working, which I agree with, so make sure that you are not idle and giving them cause to feel like giving you additional chores is okay.
If you're independent, then: "I just don't feel right doing that. Your parents expect me to help them and they have to come first. Anything else would take me away from doing what I'm paid to do, and that just isn't right. I'm sure you understand."
Another tactic: Say something like "Wow, you all have a lot of clothes and dishes! I know a great housekeeper and can give you her number if you want. She might be able to come by this week."
Should i just say "I will be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back". ?
You take Vacation at the time they arrive but, you have to be ready for them to say no that the man and wife aren't able or already have their hands full with their own children.
You are there for their parents not to provide maid and or housekeeping services for them.
What she resents is that they use her clients' home as a hotel and take for granted that she will provide hotel services such as laundry and housekeeping. She may also feel, although I hope she keeps this opinion more to herself, that if the family is going to descend on the grandparents the least they could do is give the grandparents their attention.
[I'm not sure she'd be right about that last bit, mind. Thinking of grandparents I have known, they love the little ones very much indeed but even more so when they're out of earshot.]
Be that as it may, the OP is a Personal Care Assistant. She is not a housekeeper, she is not a maid, she is not a home help. Supporting clients with their ADLs - including washing, dressing, preparing food, eating, organising personal belongings, ordering and taking medication, maintaining a safe and healthy living environment - will necessarily spill over into helping with the clients' laundry, kitchen and other domestic routines. But it is not to be confused with her being a maid of all work. She is right about this.
"Cwillie's" and "Countrymouse's" suggestions are great ones.
Also, I think you saying/asking "I WILL be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back" is good.
I understand your resentment - most of us who get taken advantage of at one time or another feels it. The unfortunate thing about being taken advantage of is once it happens, it becomes more difficult to undo it. So if you were ever to take a similar position again for someone else, you should make everything clear (even if you have to put it in writing and have it signed) what your duties are and are not and for whom being as specific as possible - I would even have a specific section applying to guests/family members so there can be no confusion. You could actually try to put this into place now. Tell either the couple or the son or both "There seems to be some confusion about what my role and duties are as a PCA so here is a list of what I will be doing going forward". I would even begin with a paragraph regarding what a PCA is so they have a clear understanding what it actually means to be one. The old saying goes "we can't be taken advantage of if we don't ALLOW it in the first place" - this is simply a part of having boundaries/limits.
Lastly, you asked "why can't they just stay and do fun things/take care of their folks at home?" - the answer is simple - they don't want to. That is not a vacation and "play" time to them and why would they when they have you there to do their laundry and dishes etc. So they have a "free" hotel and maid service on their stay/play/vacation - sounds real good!
I hope you can get a resolution set into place and move on with taking care of this elderly couple and hope you will let us know how it goes!
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