I'm a PCA, not a maid. Please help me outline boundaries with the family.

Maybe ask the family what the expectations are while they are there.  Do you usually fix meals for the couple?  Ask the family do they want you to continue to fix the meal for the couple or will the family be including Mom & Dad in their meal plans.  Let them know your schedule with the couple.  I usually do their laundry on Monday & Thursday that will leave the washer available for you to use on Tuesday & Wednesday.  Will you be taking Mom & Dad on any outings while you are here?  I can rearrange my schedule or plan some time off so I'm not in the way, just let me know.

This question has given me insight into how PCAs feel about being asked to do more than is in the job description -
In hindsight I may have overstepped with my mom's PCA, she worked for us for 5 years - I did ask favours - take her out for lunch, shopping, walks---but in return we gave extra pay, always gave gas money, gifts certificates for her family for restaurants, and thought she didn't mind the occasional extra beyond call of duty favour -- now I wonder if she felt taken advantage of - sometimes family doesn't ask favours to take advantage it's just that a person we trust and our loved one cares about is able to help in a way outside of the usual job description

Gentlecare,

How did you time off go?

Do you work for an agency or for yourself? If you're with an agency then it's your supervisor's job to inform the family about what your job duties are and what they are not. You have not been hired as a maid. When I worked for agencies (I don't anymore) we were instructed that things like laundry, washing dishes, and making beds were only done for the client we were contracted to work for. Not the rest of the family. If you're employed privately, then you need to make yourself very clear exactly what your job is and what it's not. If the visiting family wants service for themselves then they can pay for it. Write down a dollar amount that you think is fair and give it to them. Either they will take you up on it or they won't. They won't dismiss you though. Since they're only visiting, they don't want to be saddled with the responsibility of finding new help. If you're with an agency, there's nothing at all wrong with striking up a side-deal for additional pay for giving them service that your agency doesn't need to know about. Unless you get paid privately, chances are your pay is crap. As for the visiting family staying home and doing something fun with the elderly parents. If it's at a point where they need PCA's and CNA's then really there isn't much fun to be had. They should at least try to spend some time with them, but if there's kids visiting it's no kind of holiday for them.

Reference the contract or care plan that they signed with your employer. It should outline what your responsibilities are. I'm an RN and I have worked with agencies whose PCAs are tasked with light housework in addition to patient care responsibilities. So whatever your employer's paperwork states for start of care should be enforced. Familiarize yourself with it and speak to your employer about supporting you if the family is asking you to perform tasks outside the plan of care.

You handled that very well. Gives you a sort of vacation and shows family just how much help the parents need.

God bless you, Gentlecare. I've no advice, only my experience; I was living with my mom for a few years and finally arranged for a 4 hour daily break through an agency. Our assigned caretaker was lovely and understanding, but of an age that could have been an older great grandchild. Mom, born in east U.S. in 1929, literally had no understanding what was going on when you appeared, and on your first day she asked you to dust her (bleeping) miniature doll house (yep, go there ...). I happened to be there; you looked at me; it was extremely awkward for me to address. I was extremely embarrassed for all of us. We ended up gutting it out, me telling 'Mrs. K." that that's not why you're here. It was really untidy, but somehow, Mrs. K. accepted that. Again, God bless you; you are an angel.

Just gently make it clear that these tasks aren't in your job description, and you are so sorry not to be able to assist them. I would let your employer know ahead of time that they already took advantage of them before, and that this time you will politely let them know that you are not hired for these tasks. Then the employer will be forewarned when they call all crazy and nutsy. In their defense they may not know. But they will know when you explain it. Just stay very polite no matter where they go with it.

Thank you all, for your very helpful answers. I told them that I would be using this time to do some important work on my house. Yes I was very surprised they travelled up now to visit during covid. But I will not be there and they all tested negative.

Explain this to your employer. Your employer should discuss the issue with family, not you. Give their son's ph# to your employer. The company should clearly define the duties of a PCA. Also, I am concerned with seniors being the highest risk of death due to covid. Why are the son, wife, kids visiting?? Are they covid-deniers? Those types exist and are exasperating and dangerous to the elderly! I only do window/phone visits as directed by my loved one's doctor and social worker.

The worst thing about this visit is that it is during a pandemic. Visiting elders and staying in their home is really not a good idea.

I would speak to the one without dementia and tell her/him how you feel and what your boundaries are. Then this person should approach the family members and explain the boundaries to them. They may not know any better or they may just be taking advantage of you. If this does not work, I would sit down with the family when they first arrive and very professionally explain that you were hired to do what you do and this does not include being a maid. State the boundaries the minute they arrive. Hope this works

Do you work for an agency?
If so, you, or better, the agency, can send
a list of your duties to the family, or you can
keep a list on hand at the home.
When family expects you to do their laundry
and things, you can say, I'm sorry but the
agency/medicare/insurance company who ever
pays you, doesn't allow me to do 'caretaking' for others.
Only the patients I am assigned to.

If you get a list of duties from your agency, ask
them to add a line to indicate the duties are to
the patients only and do not extend beyond that.

If you are private pay, that is different, and you would
need to ask the people you care for (presuming they
are paying for you) to indicate to family that you are paid
to care for the couple, not for the family.
Unless the family wants to offer you a generous bonus
to do their meals and laundry while they vacay for
free at the parent's home.
If a different relative is paying you, let them be the
one to outline you work for the couple, not for the
family and either tell the family themselves, or give
you a list of duties/not duties to show to the visitors
that think they are in a hotel.

Or look the son in the eye, and say
I'm sorry, I should have let you know sooner,
I am here for ...list, or names or whatever....
and I'm really not comfortable with the
unexpected extra work, unexpected extra duties,
I am not expected to do that, I am not paid to do that

Realistically you signed up to take care of two
people, not 5, 6 or 7 even for just a week

Unless someone wants to come forward with a
nice cash bonus for your extra efforts.... agreed to
in advance

Why would they assume that you are there to wash their clothes? They are physically able they can do their own laundry, The nerve of some people.

Family visiting as vacationing guests-

I think you should plan on doing a few extras -more to help your clients have a nice visit—like getting the rooms ready for guests, any extra cleaning before they arrive that would help etc -Have drinks, snacks ready, but once they are there they are family and should pitch in and not be a burden.
Sometimes people just need a few asks to get involved -‘Could you bring the plates over and I can give them a rinse before the dishwasher’ or ‘I’m going to wash some sheets later, did you want to run a load before I do?
not to be passive aggressive, just subtle and giving them the OK to use the machines etc

Maybe they dont know your duties are providing personal care for 2 people only. That is what your employer employed you to do a set number of tasks only and paid accordingly. Show them a printed copy of the terms of the contract. If you do anything outside those tasks that are not stated in your employment contract, there could be repurcussions later. We are all living in a civilised world following employment contracts and we have to know what duties we are going to do when we are employed in the first place when all parties agree to and sign the contract.

I was just thinking.. when I worked in London as a Nanny, when the family had a guest for lunch I was asked if I could assist, make salads, be waitress etc. An extra money amount was offered. I was OK with that. When big dinner parties were given, catering staff were hired & I was given the option to have the evening off or earn a bit extra as an unqualified kitchen helper.

My employer understood what role a Nanny had & paid extra for extras. As a PCA, meals for guests & laundry is not your role - it sounds like the young family is not understanding your role. Can you explain to your employers what they should expect/not expect? Would that get passed on to the guests beforehand? Or do you know them well enough to call them yoruself? Explain that as you work as a PCA, other duties are outside your role & puts you in a tricky spot.

You could offer to bring a friend to help out as there will be additional work? Your friend would need to be paid of course. If the young family have brains & manners they will offer a fair price. Then ask a friend to join you.

If you are not willing to go the extra as an aid, I suggest you check yourself for Authenticity and commitment of your heart, The health field is a Super Speciality field. Just know if you’re not a born giver get out. Brokenness feels Authenticity. I am 73 years older,and look forward to Loving on my clients in all capacities of healing. A smile, a hug is my paycheck bonus.

Imho, do not be taken advantage of AGAIN by the son and his family. Btw, how is it safe for them to visit during the Novel Coronavirus?

Another thing - whether you work for agency or are self-employed, there are ALWAYS more fish in the sea! I would stand my ground and if they choose to fire you, so be it. Move on to someone else who needs your care!

If you have been with these people for a while, it will be sad to move on, but you are NOT a maid, you are NOT a slave. They need to take care of their own needs while there or hire someone to do the "maid" work. If they fire you or you hand in notice, they'll have to try some of this care themselves and see how "easy" it is, while they scramble to find someone else. They won't likely find too many who will tolerate being walked all over... You have probably been way too nice to them.

Very inconsiderate of them to do this. If I were you I would do your reg job and ignore the personal things they want done for them. They aren't paying for that. They can only do it if you allow it. Be bold. It's exausting enough to take care of a dementia patient. ❤️

Gentlecare70:

I've read through and commented on some of the responses. So far I haven't seen any response from you, but there are many questions unanswered (even w/out the answers, IMO these people are boorish jerks!)

1) Do you work for an agency or self-employed?
2) Do you live in or go every day to work with the elders?
3) Is there a contact which specifies duties?
4) Who did/does the hiring/paying?

If you work for an agency, most likely there's a contract which specifies your duties. If so, review that with a supervisor and bring this issue to their attention. If the agency says this requires more pay/maid, they should address it with the client.

If you are self-employed, presumably you have a contract. Review that carefully and if there's nothing covering this, you may need to seek a little legal advice. It would be one thing to have someone drop by to visit and add a little extra cleanup, etc for that visit, but for me, expecting you to become nursemaid to this family for an entire week, when clearly they are just freeloading, is a bit much.

If you live in, the risk of exposure is a lot less than some imply. Sure, you may need to go out to get supplies, etc or see friends/family yourself, but exposure would be limited. Having these people swoop in from who knows where, potentially bringing who knows what with them and then going out every day to potentially bring in more is ignorance to the max!

If you come every day just during daytime hours, then yes, you are exposing them more, but for those bringing that up, what is the alternative? Stay away? Then who helps these people? Certainly not their family! Also, the more exposure there is, the more likely something will be introduced. Saying YOU expose them is one thing, but to say you do so what's the diff if they do? More ignorance!

If there's a contract (either through agency or yourself), this should be displayed for anyone to see. A little clean up beyond the usual is one thing. Tending to 4+ extra people for a week is asking a lot. You ARE'NT a maid, so they shouldn't expect you to do their laundry. If you prepare meals, making a little extra for the family is probably not a big deal, but clean up IS. So, who is the contract with, the elders or through this adult child? If it's the elders and the mother has dementia, you can't really discuss this with her, but I suspect dear old pops isn't going to think it's such a big deal. Discussing with him could be tried, but I wouldn't hold my breath. If the contract is through this son, you could discuss with him and point out that this is NOT included in your duties. But, given what they are doing, I should think he will be insulted to even hear you bring it up!

As for who is paying - it really doesn't make a lot of difference, other than who you would deal with (same as contract.) But, pay and contract SHOULD match up. If there isn't anything about playing maid servant to guests, I wouldn't do anything that requires more work for you AND might take away from your duty to the clients! If one of them needs something and family is demanding you do their laundry, the CLIENTS come first!

Personally, if it isn't covered in the contact, I wouldn't do it. It will be hard to separate their linens (towels, washcloths, sheets, etc) from your everyday duties, but their clothes? Nope. For towels, etc and sheets, I certainly wouldn't wash them every day. They get X for the week, make do. This ISN'T a hotel with maid service. I'd put the clothes all in a large plastic bag and leave it in their room. For meals, it might add some pots/pans and a lot of dishes and silverware, so hopefully there's a dishwasher. That's a bit more effort. Perhaps you could provide paper plates, cups and plastic ware to eliminate all that washing! Might they get the hint! As for cleaning (vacuum, dust, etc), I would focus on the areas that the clients use.

You clients take priority over anything these idiots want.

You've got to be kidding!!

Tell them for extra money you will do it.

OR

If you don't want to do it, you tell them I am only getting paid for doing their laundry, I am not a maid for the household!!

This makes me boiling mad!

If this was already a problem before, you need to figure out how to address it before they arrive. You should not be cleaning up after them - you are correct, your pay is based on caring for 2 people - nothing more. Additionally, with covid rampant all over the country, you need to address that as well.

When was the last time you had a vacation? Perhaps you should call them and tell him that since they will be in the home with parents, you would like to take that time off for your own vacation. You should also ask them if they will be getting a covid test prior to coming into the home since there is a possibility of bringing it to the parents and to you (which would hinder your ability to work).

My mom has a lady that comes in to clean once a week and prepares breakfast/supper 6 days a week. I would never think of putting my laundry out for her to do and I pick up my belongings prior to cleaning day so that she is not cleaning up after me. The agreement to help my mom existed without me being in the home and should continue as such.

Gee, for my mom - who passed away recently - all of my visits were aimed at being with my mom, and contributing to her care to provide assistance and respite to the caregivers. Siblings did come, and brought grandchildren, but the activities included mom and she enjoyed it. If there were dishes or laundry to do, I would do all including mom's. I would get things from the store, or just give the caregivers more breaks...days and half days off...with pay. What you describe never happened in my family. It would not have gone over well either.

I've hired caregivers through agencies and privately for both my elderly parents (Mom had Alzheimer's and Dad end stage renal failure)and most recently my husband(cancer). All were kind, caring compassionate people otherwise I wouldn't of had them helping me care for the most important people in my life till each of their passing. If you don't have "a heart" for truly caring for people in their most vulnerable stages of their lives you shouldn't be doing this kind of service. You cannot possible care for a person so intimately without developing close relationships. !st I never took advantage of a caregivers services but in the dynamics of how they worked so closely with my loved ones it was never an issue with any of them feeling like they were doing above the call of duty. If company came to visit they were just as happy to see friends and family spending precious time with my loved ones and did what they could to make it pleasant. My parents have been gone for 2 and 3 years and my husband for 9 months. To this day I still have contact with the women who essentially were like family to me. Have some compassion. It's not always about the money.

If you are uncomfortable providing services to the extended family please express this. You may want to express concerns regarding Covid 19 as well. Before you begin the conversation with the extended family plan out what you need to say and how you are going to say it. Remember good communication is Context (by what means - face to face, on the phone, by text?) Audience (who will you say it to? the parents, the son?) Message- what will the message be? Purpose - remember why you are bringing this up. Plan your conversation and stay calm and open. Try not to get into a battle with them, if you feel the conversation is not going well, you can always say I need to get back to you later after I think about this. It is ok to take a break from the discussion, it will help you prevent committing to something you may regret later.

Best of luck,
K

You stated they come for A WEEK. I'm sure their elderly parents are happy to see them. Sure it's wrong for them to add to your work load but it's just A WEEK. Let them enjoy each others company without you bringing the unneeded stress and worry into the elderly couples lives.

If you are willing to do the extra work, tell the adult children your rates for them (not their parents) for these services. Ask the adult children for their help—could you take your mom to the doctor today instead of hanging out by the pool? It is possible that the adult kids may be struggling with their parents’ deterioration - maybe everyone is better off (including you) if they take breaks and leave.

if you are not willing to provide these services, tell your employer that you cannot provide them. Expect that they could feel hurt by this — if they were younger, they would probably be doing these things for their adult children, themselves.

You could also take a vacation week when the adult children to visit and avoid the conversation.

Who pays for your service? If insurance pays, than tell them that they have to get approval from the insurance company, and give them their number. If the parents pay, than ask them if it is part of your duties to take care of their guests, because you will need to talk to your supervisor because that was not part of your job description. If the kids pay, well, sit them down, give them paperwork explaining the duties you get paid to perform. Tell them that you don't mind the extra work, but it takes away from the care your parents receive, and ask them if they would like you to refer them to a maid service. That would give them a hint. It may also give them a chip on their shoulder. I would talk to your higher up if you have one. If not, next time they ask you to do something, you could smile and say "That's not my job. I'm sorry." and walk away.