I'm a PCA, not a maid. Please help me outline boundaries with the family.

It's not your place to say anything. BE CAREFUL here!! 

@Casa123 gave you GREAT PROFESSIONAL advice: ....
"I'd advise for you to maintain a professional approach & conduct at all times. Discuss the matter with YOUR EMPLOYER & ALLOW THEM to address/resolve these issues with the client/family."

God Bless you for asking advice and I pray this all works out EXTREMELY well to your benefit! $$$$

After reading all the good responses you need to review what your contract and duties encompass. If you are working on your own and not affiliated with an agency you still need a clear understanding written out of your duties.
I would live for you to take the week off the son and his family visit. The son should have a copy of your duties and yes post one on the fridge.

You need to flat out tell them you are there to care for the parents. Not them. Tell them a time you won't be using the washer like oh hey I already did you parents wash, so you can use the washer and dryer now. And just leave it at that. They will continue to take advantage of you until you stop putting up with it. I've been in situations like that before. I just stopped doing there stuff, and told them what I said to. At first they were a little mad but hey you have a life too and if they are not paying you extra for the chores or your time you need to make it clear to then what your there to do and what your paid to do. Good luck

This calls for the “2 second rule”: You’ll feel uncomfortable for 2 seconds when you tell them you’re not the maid for the ones coming to visit. You could wait 2 days to say this, 2 weeks or 2 months, but in the end it will be uncomfortable. Why not get it over with as quickly as possible?

You work for the parents, what do they say about what you are being asked to do?

You have to understand that in their minds you do the dishes and the laundry and everything else that the lady of the house can no longer do and I promise you that translates into taking care of their child and their spouse and family. Just like mama would do if she was able.

I don't think that they have any notion that they are taking advantage or abusing you in any way.

If you feel like what they are asking you to do is too much, and I think that you doing their laundry is asking too much, then you need to speak with your employer and tell them that you feel like they are crossing boundaries by asking you to do chores for the family. You can ask for more money or you can say it is not something that you are willing to do. But you need to address the situation because you are feeling resentful about it and that will show.

Choose your battle carefully if you like your job. Putting them on the spot will not be good for anyone involved. Decide what you are willing to take on and negotiate how this can happen without anyone feeling upset.

Another thing that you want to consider, people assume that you should be perpetually busy when you are working, which I agree with, so make sure that you are not idle and giving them cause to feel like giving you additional chores is okay.

You are taking care of their parents not them and that is enough of a job. It is not your job to be their maid to say the least. Please do not allow them to take advantage of you. I would talk to them and be direct and honest. Do you get a vacation? I would take the week off if you do, and let them find another caregiver for the week, or they can do the caregiving for the week themselves.

You are being paid to care for 2 people, not 5 or 6..... Caring for that many people takes your time and focus away from your employers. I like the idea of telling the visiting children that you know a maid who could come in to clean while they are visiting so that frees you up to take care of their parents. Also, is this private pay or Medicare/Medicaid? If the former, I would say that's a problem. God's blessings to you as you navigate this!!!

I think that is normal thing to do.With your attitude I think you should not work around people.

Well, clearly we need to know who signs your checks. It is with that source you need to have discussion and have something put in writing to clarify things for the future. If you have been privately hired then someone clearly thinks you are at their beck and call to do whatever is asked of you, so you need to speak up and say nope to the add-on's. HOWever...if what is being done would typically be done by the elder employer, like their kids laundry...then you are technically still helping your employer. I don't believe that you should be doing /cleaning up after others, but it goes back to your agreement. Maybe this is a time for YOU to take some vacation:-)? Don't forget how, while there are many caregivers out there, it is a supreme hassle factor to find a new person who can be trusted and good people are hard to replace. If they love you and don't want to lose you they should be happy to listen to you and make accommodations. Too bad the family isn't staying at a hotel. Not to mention they could take their dirty clothes back home with them to wash. All that said, it's NOT up to you to tell THEM how to spend their time and handle things when they come visit. Seems rather obvious they don't want to spend their time what the hired help is supposed to be doing...but they do need to understand the limitations of that help. Good luck!

In this conversation no one is bringing up Covid!

Does everyone in both states live in a Covid free bubble?

How responsible is it for this family to bring the possibility of Covid into the home of elders for a week?

Are they quarantining for two weeks in a hotel first?

Multigenerational homes are a perfect storm right now with this virus.

Gentlecare70 do you intend to be the PNA for a couple of Covid patients?

I think a few loads of laundry/dishes are the least of your problems.

If you are independent, you need to type up a job description outlining what you do and for whom. In it, add that if you take on duties for others besides the parents, the fee that you charge increases. Itemize the extra fees like laundry, making more beds, dishes, etc. That is just good business practices. It also keeps people from taking advantage of you.

Every employer should have a job description listing the duties that are expected or might be expected from employees. That being said, there are a lot of senior care services that advertise doing just the services you describe. For example- Here is a list of services I copied off a Senior Homecare website:

​Companionship Care
Personal Care​
Meals & Nutrition
Transportation
House​hold Duties
Resp​​ite Care for Seniors
Hos​pice Care Services
24 Hour and Live-I​n Care​
Dementia and Alzheimer's​
Transitional Care
Arthritis, Diabetes, and Other Conditions
Specialized Services

At any rate it doesn't sound like something you need to discuss with the family until after you clarify what your duties are with your employer first.

Unfortunately, it depends what your employer expects of you. Do they consider your position one of a "do any and all we request while you are on the clock" job? If so, you are also not respected for being a professional care giver.
There is no other way but to set boundaries or find another job. If you were hired for them by an agency, contact them. Its nice to have a pleasant relationship, but you are there to provide skilled care, not be buddies with everyone. Project confidence and self respect to those who have become too familiar.

Who pays for your service? If insurance pays, than tell them that they have to get approval from the insurance company, and give them their number. If the parents pay, than ask them if it is part of your duties to take care of their guests, because you will need to talk to your supervisor because that was not part of your job description. If the kids pay, well, sit them down, give them paperwork explaining the duties you get paid to perform. Tell them that you don't mind the extra work, but it takes away from the care your parents receive, and ask them if they would like you to refer them to a maid service. That would give them a hint. It may also give them a chip on their shoulder. I would talk to your higher up if you have one. If not, next time they ask you to do something, you could smile and say "That's not my job. I'm sorry." and walk away.

If you are willing to do the extra work, tell the adult children your rates for them (not their parents) for these services. Ask the adult children for their help—could you take your mom to the doctor today instead of hanging out by the pool? It is possible that the adult kids may be struggling with their parents’ deterioration - maybe everyone is better off (including you) if they take breaks and leave.

if you are not willing to provide these services, tell your employer that you cannot provide them. Expect that they could feel hurt by this — if they were younger, they would probably be doing these things for their adult children, themselves.

You could also take a vacation week when the adult children to visit and avoid the conversation.

You stated they come for A WEEK. I'm sure their elderly parents are happy to see them. Sure it's wrong for them to add to your work load but it's just A WEEK. Let them enjoy each others company without you bringing the unneeded stress and worry into the elderly couples lives.

If you are uncomfortable providing services to the extended family please express this. You may want to express concerns regarding Covid 19 as well. Before you begin the conversation with the extended family plan out what you need to say and how you are going to say it. Remember good communication is Context (by what means - face to face, on the phone, by text?) Audience (who will you say it to? the parents, the son?) Message- what will the message be? Purpose - remember why you are bringing this up. Plan your conversation and stay calm and open. Try not to get into a battle with them, if you feel the conversation is not going well, you can always say I need to get back to you later after I think about this. It is ok to take a break from the discussion, it will help you prevent committing to something you may regret later.

Best of luck,
K

I've hired caregivers through agencies and privately for both my elderly parents (Mom had Alzheimer's and Dad end stage renal failure)and most recently my husband(cancer). All were kind, caring compassionate people otherwise I wouldn't of had them helping me care for the most important people in my life till each of their passing. If you don't have "a heart" for truly caring for people in their most vulnerable stages of their lives you shouldn't be doing this kind of service. You cannot possible care for a person so intimately without developing close relationships. !st I never took advantage of a caregivers services but in the dynamics of how they worked so closely with my loved ones it was never an issue with any of them feeling like they were doing above the call of duty. If company came to visit they were just as happy to see friends and family spending precious time with my loved ones and did what they could to make it pleasant. My parents have been gone for 2 and 3 years and my husband for 9 months. To this day I still have contact with the women who essentially were like family to me. Have some compassion. It's not always about the money.

Gee, for my mom - who passed away recently - all of my visits were aimed at being with my mom, and contributing to her care to provide assistance and respite to the caregivers. Siblings did come, and brought grandchildren, but the activities included mom and she enjoyed it. If there were dishes or laundry to do, I would do all including mom's. I would get things from the store, or just give the caregivers more breaks...days and half days off...with pay. What you describe never happened in my family. It would not have gone over well either.

If this was already a problem before, you need to figure out how to address it before they arrive. You should not be cleaning up after them - you are correct, your pay is based on caring for 2 people - nothing more. Additionally, with covid rampant all over the country, you need to address that as well.

When was the last time you had a vacation? Perhaps you should call them and tell him that since they will be in the home with parents, you would like to take that time off for your own vacation. You should also ask them if they will be getting a covid test prior to coming into the home since there is a possibility of bringing it to the parents and to you (which would hinder your ability to work).

My mom has a lady that comes in to clean once a week and prepares breakfast/supper 6 days a week. I would never think of putting my laundry out for her to do and I pick up my belongings prior to cleaning day so that she is not cleaning up after me. The agreement to help my mom existed without me being in the home and should continue as such.

You've got to be kidding!!

Tell them for extra money you will do it.

OR

If you don't want to do it, you tell them I am only getting paid for doing their laundry, I am not a maid for the household!!

This makes me boiling mad!

Gentlecare70:

I've read through and commented on some of the responses. So far I haven't seen any response from you, but there are many questions unanswered (even w/out the answers, IMO these people are boorish jerks!)

1) Do you work for an agency or self-employed?
2) Do you live in or go every day to work with the elders?
3) Is there a contact which specifies duties?
4) Who did/does the hiring/paying?

If you work for an agency, most likely there's a contract which specifies your duties. If so, review that with a supervisor and bring this issue to their attention. If the agency says this requires more pay/maid, they should address it with the client.

If you are self-employed, presumably you have a contract. Review that carefully and if there's nothing covering this, you may need to seek a little legal advice. It would be one thing to have someone drop by to visit and add a little extra cleanup, etc for that visit, but for me, expecting you to become nursemaid to this family for an entire week, when clearly they are just freeloading, is a bit much.

If you live in, the risk of exposure is a lot less than some imply. Sure, you may need to go out to get supplies, etc or see friends/family yourself, but exposure would be limited. Having these people swoop in from who knows where, potentially bringing who knows what with them and then going out every day to potentially bring in more is ignorance to the max!

If you come every day just during daytime hours, then yes, you are exposing them more, but for those bringing that up, what is the alternative? Stay away? Then who helps these people? Certainly not their family! Also, the more exposure there is, the more likely something will be introduced. Saying YOU expose them is one thing, but to say you do so what's the diff if they do? More ignorance!

If there's a contract (either through agency or yourself), this should be displayed for anyone to see. A little clean up beyond the usual is one thing. Tending to 4+ extra people for a week is asking a lot. You ARE'NT a maid, so they shouldn't expect you to do their laundry. If you prepare meals, making a little extra for the family is probably not a big deal, but clean up IS. So, who is the contract with, the elders or through this adult child? If it's the elders and the mother has dementia, you can't really discuss this with her, but I suspect dear old pops isn't going to think it's such a big deal. Discussing with him could be tried, but I wouldn't hold my breath. If the contract is through this son, you could discuss with him and point out that this is NOT included in your duties. But, given what they are doing, I should think he will be insulted to even hear you bring it up!

As for who is paying - it really doesn't make a lot of difference, other than who you would deal with (same as contract.) But, pay and contract SHOULD match up. If there isn't anything about playing maid servant to guests, I wouldn't do anything that requires more work for you AND might take away from your duty to the clients! If one of them needs something and family is demanding you do their laundry, the CLIENTS come first!

Personally, if it isn't covered in the contact, I wouldn't do it. It will be hard to separate their linens (towels, washcloths, sheets, etc) from your everyday duties, but their clothes? Nope. For towels, etc and sheets, I certainly wouldn't wash them every day. They get X for the week, make do. This ISN'T a hotel with maid service. I'd put the clothes all in a large plastic bag and leave it in their room. For meals, it might add some pots/pans and a lot of dishes and silverware, so hopefully there's a dishwasher. That's a bit more effort. Perhaps you could provide paper plates, cups and plastic ware to eliminate all that washing! Might they get the hint! As for cleaning (vacuum, dust, etc), I would focus on the areas that the clients use.

You clients take priority over anything these idiots want.

Very inconsiderate of them to do this. If I were you I would do your reg job and ignore the personal things they want done for them. They aren't paying for that. They can only do it if you allow it. Be bold. It's exausting enough to take care of a dementia patient. ❤️

Another thing - whether you work for agency or are self-employed, there are ALWAYS more fish in the sea! I would stand my ground and if they choose to fire you, so be it. Move on to someone else who needs your care!

If you have been with these people for a while, it will be sad to move on, but you are NOT a maid, you are NOT a slave. They need to take care of their own needs while there or hire someone to do the "maid" work. If they fire you or you hand in notice, they'll have to try some of this care themselves and see how "easy" it is, while they scramble to find someone else. They won't likely find too many who will tolerate being walked all over... You have probably been way too nice to them.

Imho, do not be taken advantage of AGAIN by the son and his family. Btw, how is it safe for them to visit during the Novel Coronavirus?

If you are not willing to go the extra as an aid, I suggest you check yourself for Authenticity and commitment of your heart, The health field is a Super Speciality field. Just know if you’re not a born giver get out. Brokenness feels Authenticity. I am 73 years older,and look forward to Loving on my clients in all capacities of healing. A smile, a hug is my paycheck bonus.

I was just thinking.. when I worked in London as a Nanny, when the family had a guest for lunch I was asked if I could assist, make salads, be waitress etc. An extra money amount was offered. I was OK with that. When big dinner parties were given, catering staff were hired & I was given the option to have the evening off or earn a bit extra as an unqualified kitchen helper.

My employer understood what role a Nanny had & paid extra for extras. As a PCA, meals for guests & laundry is not your role - it sounds like the young family is not understanding your role. Can you explain to your employers what they should expect/not expect? Would that get passed on to the guests beforehand? Or do you know them well enough to call them yoruself? Explain that as you work as a PCA, other duties are outside your role & puts you in a tricky spot.

You could offer to bring a friend to help out as there will be additional work? Your friend would need to be paid of course. If the young family have brains & manners they will offer a fair price. Then ask a friend to join you.

Maybe they dont know your duties are providing personal care for 2 people only. That is what your employer employed you to do a set number of tasks only and paid accordingly. Show them a printed copy of the terms of the contract. If you do anything outside those tasks that are not stated in your employment contract, there could be repurcussions later. We are all living in a civilised world following employment contracts and we have to know what duties we are going to do when we are employed in the first place when all parties agree to and sign the contract.

Family visiting as vacationing guests-

I think you should plan on doing a few extras -more to help your clients have a nice visit—like getting the rooms ready for guests, any extra cleaning before they arrive that would help etc -Have drinks, snacks ready, but once they are there they are family and should pitch in and not be a burden.
Sometimes people just need a few asks to get involved -‘Could you bring the plates over and I can give them a rinse before the dishwasher’ or ‘I’m going to wash some sheets later, did you want to run a load before I do?
not to be passive aggressive, just subtle and giving them the OK to use the machines etc

Why would they assume that you are there to wash their clothes? They are physically able they can do their own laundry, The nerve of some people.