My mum is almost 100. She has medication, wash, breakfast in the morning but cries and is upset if we get her up. She prefers to sleep until 13.00 when she has lunch, dresses and has more medication. Is this worrying for her mobility and general health? The pattern above avoids a lot of distress.
We had concerns about my mother-in-law back in 2007 as she gravitated toward snack foods and refused eating regular meals at the end. A hospice nurse told us to let her eat what she wanted. She was 84 and the nurse told us not to fight her and told us that while there wasn't much nutrition in the snack foods, there was some, and to let her have as much as she wanted.
My dad died in January at 90 and he had been bedridden for the last 2 years but I did make sure he had his head raised in the bed so he didn't get pneumonia. His last 6 months or so he did sleep a lot.
My mom is 86 and was sleeping a lot too until we adjusted her medication. She's up and about a bit more but she easily falls back into a familiar depressive pattern of giving up, which she's digressing back to now. There is some concern that she will lose mobility if she keeps this up but I just keep reminding her that she will end up bedridden like my dad and she doesn't want that. Whatever it takes to convince her to move, without upsetting her too much, is what I do.
My mom and I have both always been late birds. My dad had to get up so early for work and me for band practice at school. We TREASURED sleeping to noon on weekends!
Maybe this is just how her internal clock works now. Honestly, I worked long term care, and my mom is now in memory care. They get them up at 7:30 a.m. for breakfast and shut the place down at 7 p.m. A lot of them take naps during the day. Does it really make any difference? If she's up and happy at 1 p.m. at 100 yrs old, I say good for her!!! He'll on your schedule, probably, and sometimes it's hard to make late afternoon appts., but otherwise, let it be. That's my opinion.
My mother lived to be age 95 in 2014. The last 6 months of her life, she slept up to 20 hours daily, so a palliative nurse always checked on her. She also had several medical conditions.
Big hugs R
let him sleep?
wake him up?
he is frequently and easily out of breath. The doctors (primary care, cardiologist, eye and prostate) agree his only reason for being out of breath is lack of movement. Yes it will get worse but does it have to be today.
so half the time I wake him up and the other time I let him sleep….
Her body may just need the extra sleep. Let her enjoy her current routine, if she's happy.
She may not be resting at night as well as she was so she may be more tired. Additionally if she isn’t moving about as much the meds could be building up in her system and may need a closer look. Changing meds or reducing isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
In other words, when one thing changes, it affects all the other aspects of what has kept her comfortable so long.
I was told that a little oxygen through the night might be of benefit. If you can get a nurse to check her O2/pulse in the night you can check if her O2 is running low at night. They may already check this. See how it is trending. Sleep is so important to how we feel.
Your mom is, needless to say, at a great age but we all benefit from good sleep and activity. I agree with your wanting her to feel well as long as possible.
It is a fine line of being a good advocate for our loved ones and allowing them to naturally transition from this life.
I had a cousin who took such loving care of her mom that I felt her mom didn’t dare die. Of course, she did in time.
Your mom has lived so long she is a fixture in your life that you can’t imagine being gone. She did a lot of things right to live as long as she has. You might want to let her lead the way and have her rest. Big hugs to you and brother.
If your mother is so resistant to getting up for breakfast, that it is a fight, it seems it may best not to create aggravation if you cannot find a way to coax her to get up. I wonder if your team of doctors can be helpful. There may be medication issues that make it more difficult to wake up — but I suspect you have tried that since you seem very engaged and proactive in her care.
I am experiencing that my granny is slowing down and is less engaged overall - but still sees family and friends. It’s a bit harder to get her to go out, but when she doesn’t she complains of being stuck in her apartment. Creativity seems to be required to get her going. I have better luck with one of her caregivers than other.
I see many posts that say to leave your mother be. My experience has been that kind and proactive management has been invaluable in keeping as high quality of life as you can provide. Even with a sharp mind - my granny does not seem to be able to plan the day too well.
From what you describe, you’re doing a fabulous job of caring for your mother. She’s lucky.
Please do not try to micromanage a woman who's already outlived the rest of everybody by 22 years. She wins this game, no matter what turns her health may take from here. Nobody lives forever.
At 100, let Mom do what she wants.
I have many ultra senior friends and they all get up and about way later then they use to, their activity has slowed down but, they aren't more sick because of it.
I am told they are just tired and ready to go. They do what they must but, they are losing or have lost interest in being what others think they should be, especially the doctors. So they do the dew and get through each day as they can.
The body does wear down.
I would now let her have whatever pattern works for her mentally.
There is no changing the fact that the body is failing at this age, and that something will eventually allow her to pass.
From a repost by Geaton below you say that your mother is on a lot of drugs that would definitely affect her in terms of keeping her sleepy.
You also tell us a doctor has said she should not be in pain because there is "nothing wrong" and as an old retired RN I have to tell you that I think your doctor may be certifiably insane.
"...mum is on a lot of anxiety medication and has been for years - sufficient that she cannot medically take any more. She has three carers plus my brother and I who either stay there or come several times a day. She has visitors and friends in throughout the week, a wellbeing coach on Sunday, visits a geriatrician and has regular doctor visits. She is almost blind, walks perfectly well with her walker and has not other medical needs. The doctor has diagnosed her pain ( which I know she feels) as psychosomatic - eg nothing physically wrong. She is terrified of being in assisted living and we do not want to do this unless we have to for medical reasons only. She has no dementia except for some short term memory loss and not confusion at all. She can go from miserable and whimpering to cheerful in 5mins if distracted or a friend calls. She has audiobooks, meditation disks, enjoys some television and I read to her and chat etc. The distress continues particularly in the mornings. What else might work to keep her stable please? She also has a little dog that keeps her company!"
How is her weight? If she's dropping weight then her medication dosages should be checked.
and if letting her sleep keeps her in less "distress" then that is a win win for all involved.
Please just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mum, and quit worrying about the small stuff.
I get how hard this is, it's the hardest thing we will ever do and seeing them declining is so hard. My mom's getting more and more frail , where are days out shopping, are going to turn into going for rides now. And it stinks. Took her to are local nursery to get flowers, left and said that will most likely be the last time she goes there.
It's hard to accept decline but it's nature. It's what happens to all of us at one point , weather or not your 88 like my mom or 100.
Best of luck.