My oldest sister was appointed POA by my mom who barely survived a stroke and has been in a nursing home for 5 years. My mom did the paperwork before the stroke. She has been taking a rather hefty monthly salary ($1000 per month) and has also been driving my mom's (then, fairly new) car for 5 years (saving herself hundreds of $$ in car payments each month), justifying that she deserves it for all she is doing to help care for my mom and deal with the bills. My other sisters and I are worried that this has gone on too long. We want the POA to stop paying herself, but she just thinks that all we care about is the money. We care just as much about my mom as the POA, but feel that this large monthly salary has gone on long enough (actually too long), especially since my mom is fairly stable and in a nursing home. We were all together (4 of us) just a month ago, and tried to talk about this, but the oldest sister is not being transparent with the finances, and decided to have a lawyer write us a letter when we started asking questions rather than answer us herself. Clearly it was an attempt to pacify us. We just want her to stop taking money out of my mom's estate. Two sisters live near to my mom, and two are further away. I'm one of the further away ones. Any suggestions?
Even though I live out of state, I talk to him every day, his caregivers at care facility
1x week. Plus coordinating moves, ordering, lost items such as credit cards, botched
orders, problems with care, facility, doctors orders and apps, physical therapy etc etc.
Flying out means the price of plane tix, transport to and from airport, lodging, and food.
Plus pet care costs while I'm gone. It adds up quickly.
That said, I would be able to quickly show someone his expenses and what I've spent my
time on by phone logs and ordering receipts, etc. I have no siblings, but if I were your
sister I would consider part of the duties of being a POA was to account for my time
and expenses. I took compensation initially while he was having to move household
several times and had to go through several major operations and recovery. For the
last four years I have not and I guesstimate that I'm probably $20,000 out of pocket
at this point. Not counting the time Ive spent helping him.
So yes, it does add up and your sister MIGHT need to be compensated, but transparency
should be a given. Hell, I'd love for someone to see all the stuff I've been doing for him.
Always nice to get a little pat on the back and acknowledgement.
My husband is both Medical and Financial POA for his Father, and when he lived with us, there was a Caregivers Contract, stipulating how much he was to be paid each month, including his room and board. He was never financially compensated for being his POA, paying his bills, doing his banking or any of that.
Once he left our home to live in the Independent side of an Assisted living facility, my husband was still compensated a much smaller amount, saying 200 dollarsa month, for assisting him with several ADL's (showering, laundry, toenail care etc), as well as doing his shopping, taking him for haircuts, and taking him to and from the many Dr's appointments he had each month.
As long as the proper agreements are in place, and the care given reflects the amount of work done to assist the Senior, I don't see a problem, but 1000 dollars does seem a little steep, considering she is in a Nursing home and they tend to the majority of the work for the Senior, but again, every situation is different.
As mentioned in a previous post, gifting of up to $14,000 a year per recipient is allowed tax free. Perhaps you can suggest that you each receive a gift amount so all will be equal. That is what I do. I also send my siblings and accounting of all the assets, stock trades, real estates transactions, cash on hand etc and then I show them a budget of what was spent last year and one that forecasts for the next year. They and anyone else is allowed to visit our parent anytime that want. Maybe you should suggest that as well.
If a lawyer or banker was to be a POA, there would be a salary and it is anywhere from 1% to 2% of the estate's annual value per year. There is a lot of work involved, or can be as in my case. My siblings see some of what I do, but they in no way shape or form know what I go through emotionally, mentally and physically every day, day in and day out and how much of a toll it takes on me. Only true care givers know this. My parent is in a facility and I still had to quit my job to oversee everything. There are so many moving parts, that I needed to focus only on this.
What I am saying about your sister is, she may deserve the money for the amount of work she is doing, but she is going about it the wrong way. The better way would have been for her to ask you if she could take a salary by exhibiting to you the amount of time and effort that goes into the job.
The only answer you have if she is not willing to show you the books, is to get a lawyer to force her to.
The vast majority of POAs are not handling huge sums of money. We are more concerned about stretching those dollars to get the best possible care for our loved ones than abusing our POA power.
I won't even go into the issues with the POA here. But very suspicious!
Mallory, can you file for an extension for your tax return? I believe that you can do this online, but if not, you can download the form from the IRS website. As long as it is postmarked by April 15th, you will be OK. The extension protects you from a penalty for a late return, but you still must pay enough to cover any tax you may owe by April 15th. If you haven't had enough withholding or estimated payments for the year, you will need to send money tomorrow. Good luck!
From the outside, it looks like I just drop by once a week to check on her. Actually, in each visit I am watching for declines in her health or attitude, as well as any signs of mistreatment. Any problem, such as a sudden mood change recently in my mother, requires me to get in touch with both physical and mental specialists to run tests to see what may be causing the problem and how to alleviate it. It means coordinating with the administration of the facility she is living in as well as medical people. Then, I have to do all the phone calling days later to follow up on what has been done, because all these people do not let me know each step taken and the results.
There are so many decisions to make. Last year, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 86. She cannot think straight enough to discuss it. So, I had to decide. Cancer doctors wanted to do all kinds of chemo and radiation, but were unable to give me evidence (studies on aged women) to show me these radical and difficult treatments made sense for a woman of 86 with dementia and other health problems. My four siblings do not care to get involved. It fell on me, giving me weeks of worrying. Did I do the right thing? It still plagues me.
Then, there are all the agencies. Since my mother is on medicaid, I have to report every penny I spend on her to three separate agencies. The paperwork and spreadsheets are more than I do for my own yearly taxes for the IRS. And, if I make a mistake, my mother will lose medicaid.
About twice a year, I get a call, usually late at night, saying my mother is being brought to the hospital by ambulance. Sometimes is is a minor thing. Sometimes not. But, it always means spending the next few afternoons at the hospital, trying to get information about the problem, signing papers, and trying to calm my mother.
THE WORSE PART OF THIS IS THE LONELINESS. My husband is a jewel. Without him, I could not do all this. But, my siblings never ask if they can help. They only criticize and ask questions about money, as if I am getting rich from the POA. Yes, I do take a monthly salary, but it does not cover all the time I actually put into the job. I would gladly give up all the money if someone in the family would help me with this responsibility, without judgment of my decisions. A helping hand, instead of adding to the pain.
Alarmed, be thankful that there is someone in your family willing to do the work of POA. Put aside childhood differences and use your energy to support your sister. The important thing is that your mother is taken care of, is happy and healthy.